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“Oh my God,” Dmitri breathed, dragging a hand down his face. “No. This is just fucking awkward, okay?” He took a sip, wincing at the heat, and then set the mug down. “He wants a date.”
Raphael pretended like his heart hadn’t plummeted to his stomach, and he reminded himself that this was good—that Dmitri deserved this. But did it have to be with that man? “I would never judge your choice in partner, but you should consider the possible consequences of dating your professor.”
Dmitri’s cheeks flooded with color. “God. I’m…no. Notme. He wants a date withyou.”
Raphael blinked. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” He backed up, peeking his head into Jayden’s workstation—which was empty—then he dragged out his chair and sat down hard. “He asked me to come to his office after class the other day, and he wanted to know if you’d be interested in dating him. He, um…he really liked talking to you when we were all at lunch together.”
Raphael sat there in silence, trying to rearrange everything he’d been thinking over the last five minutes, and he wasn’t entirely sure that it made sense. Rian was sweet and very attractive—he’d been attentive to everyone at the table, but he hadn’t felt like the man paid special attention to him. In fact, he’d been more interested in talking cars with Luca after, and he had barely waved a quick goodbye before he and Dmitri left.
“See,” Dmitri said after the prolonged silence, “weird, right?”
Raphael let out a soft laugh, then sipped his tea just to give himself something to do. “I’m sorry he put you in that position.”
Dmitri waved him off and picked at his cuticles a little bit. “I didn’t mind. I mean, he’s got good taste at least.”
Raphael’s own cheeks heated to match the younger man’s. “Flattery will not get you extra birthday Twinkies,” he warned, because he had no defenses against Dmitri’s kindness except sharp humor.
Dmitri’s grin softened. “I think I can live with that. Anyway, I don’t think it’s a terrible idea. I mean, if you want to. He’s really nice, and he’s good looking, and you seemed to have a lot in common.”
Raphael let the burn of the hot tea seep into his hands as he tried not to feel the sting of Dmitri trying to pawn him off. And that was unfair, because he knew Dmitri cared about him. He wanted to see Raphael happy—just as Raphael wanted to see him live an easier life. But he’d been so damned content to exist in quiet loneliness.
“I don’t know,” he finally said.
Dmitri leaned back. “I mean, one date can’t hurt, right? You don’t have to worry about having to explain your CP to him. He’s already met you, so he knows you’re kind of a sarcastic dick sometimes.”
Raphael pulled a face, and Dmitri laughed. “A charming assessment of my character.”
“These are all things I like about you,” Dmitri defended softly. “And he clearly does too, considering he dragged me into his office to have the weirdest conversation with a professor ever.”
Raphael chewed on the inside of his cheek and bit back all the things he wanted to say—like he didn’t need other dates. Like he’d be fine as long as Dmitri focused on himself. Like he was happy with the way things were now—even if that was a lie.
“Would you do it, if you were me?”
Dmitri glanced down, then looked up again. His soft brown eyes seemed tired, but they were honest as they ever were, and he nodded. “Yes. My shit is more complicated than yours, but you have the chance to meet someone and be happy. Someone who won’t make it complicated.”
“Ah, we don’t know that about him,” Raphael warned, because it had seemed so uncomplicated with Chiara and with Cody. Even if he’d known deep down it would end, it was easy for so long that he’d dropped his guard. “People never really know what they’re getting into.”
“But he still deserves a chance. I mean…I think he does. And I think you’re worth the effort.”
Raphael wanted to cup those words in his hands and never let go. He wanted to drop from his chair to his knees, and stay that way for the rest of his life, at Dmitri’s feet if it meant nothing would change. But he knew better. Dmitri wanted him to be happy—just not with him. And he’d known that for so long.
And maybe he did owe it to himself to move on and feel something new, because he wasn’t young, but he wasn’t old enough to retire his heart simply because one man could never love him back the way he wanted. Dmitri had so much life ahead of him, so much purpose to fulfil, whether he did it all here in Savannah, or whether he broke free to take on the world.
And Raphael would say I knew him when. Someday. He would say, that was my friend, and they’d probably still talk a little, and love each other a lot. And it wouldn’t be the same, but that was okay too.
“Alright.”
There was something that flashed in Dmitri’s eyes, but it was long gone before he could examine it, and there was an easy smile in its place. “I’ll give him your number.”
Raphael nodded. “If it doesn’t work out, promise this won’t ruin his class for you.”
Dmitri shook his head. “You can’t promise that, but it doesn’t matter. I love you way more than I’ll ever love him. If he fucks with you and hurts you, I’ll never forgive him.”
Raphael wanted to reach for him, but he kept his hands on his knees, fingers twitching with the tension it took to hold still. “I don’t know I’m worth all that.”
“You are.” Dmitri rose and shoved his hand back into his pocket. “He’ll probably text you tonight, so keep an eye on your phone.”
