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He didn’t wait for Raphael to say goodbye. He just let himself out the door, and a moment later, Raphael heard his car pulling out of the drive.
* * *
Raphael stared at his phone,at the last thread of texts between him and Rian, then back up at Luca who was pawing through Raphael’s closet with a trail of discarded shirts and jeans in his wake. It was forming into an uncomfortably messy hill near his dresser, and his hands twitched in his lap as he started to regret every single second that led up to the moment he allowed Luca to help.
“Okay, I…” Luca said, and the rest of his words were lost in the sea of clothes as he dove into the mountain he’d created. “Yes, perfect. God, right? This is perfect.”
Raphael gave him a flat look. “Hast Du nicht mehr alle Tassen im Schrank,” he muttered to himself, rubbing at his temples. “Just pick something please. We’ve been doing this for three hours, and he’s going to be here soon, and I’ll just be naked.”
A slow grin spread over Luca’s face. “Actually…”
“Nee,” he groaned. “No. Just give me something. It’s notthatkind of date.”
Luca gave him a disbelieving look, but handed over the carefully torn jeans and the over-soft sweater he’d dug out from the pile. It wasn’t anything Raphael would have chosen on his own. He and Luca were nearly the same age, but Luca wore youth better than most people half his age. Raphael had been shopping with Luca a handful of times, but dressing in expensive, trendy clothes just made him feel like he was playing pretend in a life that wasn’t his.
Still, maybe this was something he needed to try. At least in this moment, as he went on this unwanted date only because he thought it was going to make Dmitri happy. He pushed himself to the edge of the bed, then eased the jeans around the stiff orthotics. It took more wriggling than normal to get the jeans up to his knees, but he pushed to his feet and did up the zipper and button before sliding into his sweater.
It was long, hanging over his fingers if he didn’t push the sleeves up, and it clung to the curves of him that he wasn’t sure flattered his body. He’d always been thin and knobby in places where most were sculpted and fit. His upper body had always retained most of his strength, but now as he ebbed and flowed through his forties, he was starting to feel it.
“God, you looksohot,” Luca murmured.
Raphael rolled his eyes, but he didn’t fight his friend as he took him by the hips and turned him toward the mirror that hung on the back of the closet door. His reflection wasn’t terrible. He was fairly sure hot was a stretch, but he could see a bit of the Raphael who had escaped his little village and gone tearing about Berlin with a wild, bright woman clinging to his hand.
He wouldn’t have that again—hell, he didn’t want it again. He was tired now, and he felt like he was owed his fatigue after all the years he’d lived. But, sometimes, it was nice when his reflection showed the person he once was. He dragged a hand through his hair and leaned back, letting Luca’s body brace him.
“Will I do?”
Luca leaned over his shoulder and kissed the edge of his jaw softly. “If I hadn’t fallen in love with Wilder, I would have fallen in love with you eventually. And not just because you’re so beautiful.”
Raphael closed his eyes and let the words soothe the sharp edges of anxiety that were clawing at him. If only hecouldhave let himself fall for Luca. Life would have been easy—it would have been simple. He would have loved the hell out of him and been loved right back. But he hadn’t been willing to take that risk, because what they had was too damned important, and frankly, he liked Wilder too much to want to go back in time.
But the thought was nice sometimes.
“He’s going to trip and fall head over heels.”
Raphael scoffed, pushing away from Luca and making his careful way through the bathroom door for his comb. “I don’t want that. I barely know him, and he’s Dmitri’s professor.”
Luca leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s weird, right? For you and him?”
Raphael shrugged, trying not to give anything away because it still stung. It felt like Dmitri was passing him off like an old, decrepit relative that was preventing him from living a full, independent life. If Raphael had someone else to look after him, Dmitri would be free to…what?
Do anything. Whatever he wanted. Get the hell out of Savannah, even.
“Dmitri is the one who pushed for this. And he was nice enough at lunch.”
Luca lifted a brow, but he didn’t challenge Raphael’s statement. When Raphael was done fussing with his hair, Luca stepped forward and used a little bit of the product he’d bought and Raphael refused to touch, finger-combing it through the gentle waves that had set after his shower.
“Maybe falling is inevitable,” Luca said quietly.
At that, Raphael had to grin. “I certainly do it enough.” He laughed when Luca socked him on the arm, then he moved past him again and grabbed his shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed to put them on. The soles were getting worn, which meant another trip down the hill, but that was his lot in life. “Remember the code, yes?”
Luca rolled his eyes as he started to pick up Raphael’s clothes and put them to right. “Yes, yes. A blank text means a rescue call to the restaurant—although Enzo is going to fucking lose his mind if I do that.”
It hadn’t taken much for Raphael to convince the owner ofMangia E Zittoto bump a table for him and his date, but he knew what it would cost for that date to be abandoned and a table to be wasted—especially on a weekend. He’d do it, though, if the date turned out to be anything like the last few he’d gone on. He’d run as fast as he could, and he’d lean on his friends and make them burn Enzo’s bridges because he just wasn’t up for letting himself take another self-esteem beating. Not even for Dmitri.
“Just promise me,” he started, and Luca sat next to him and took his hand.
“I promise I’m not going to abandon you tonight if you need me. But it’s going to be fine.” He lifted Raphael’s hand to his lips and pressed a firm kiss to his knuckles. “I’m going to get the hell out of here though before he gets the wrong idea about you.”
