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Raphael was at his desk,trying to pretend like life was normal and he wasn’t having an internal panic attack about Dmitri going back to work and school when his phone started buzzing. Jayden was in the back with his first appointment of the day, so he could avoid the salty looks over personal calls on the clock, and he glanced at the screen.
His heart thudded a little harder when he saw Rian’s name. It had been a week since the incident. A week since the break-up, and the hallway, and punching Paxton. And it was a week since the first morning Raphael woke with Dmitri in his arms, knowing he wouldn’t have to give him up. And in all that time, he hadn’t heard from Rian.
“Hello?”
“I know you’re at work,” Rian said, “but Dmitri has missed class and hasn’t answered his emails all week, so I wanted to check in.” He sounded genuinely concerned, and it set Raphael at ease in a way he hadn’t expected. “He’s okay, isn’t he?”
“Scheiße,” Raphael breathed out. He hadn’t known, though he wasn’t entirely surprised.
“Is there something I should know?” Rian’s voice was hesitant, but there was no anger, no hate, and it allowed Raphael to answer without too much guilt.
“He’s… okay. He’s dealing.”
It was the most he was willing to share without Dmitri there to listen in. He was doing better. He had two sessions with his therapist behind him, and no one had heard from Paxton since the night of the party. When Nellie stopped by the apartment he’d been renting, she said the place was empty and the key was on the table.
“He fucked off his lease, but I’m not even going to bother pursuing him,” she’d said when she stopped by the salon to tell Raphael. “You can tell Dmitri that he’s gone, and I doubt he’ll be back.”
Dmitri hadn’t said anything when Raphael told him, but he heard Dmitri crying in the shower later that night. It seemed more cathartic than anything else, though, so he didn’t let himself worry. They spent more nights together after that, and Raphael was now trying not to think about how soon was too soon to ask him to move in.
“Is that all you can say?” Rian asked.
Raphael sighed. “It’s not really my place. I didn’t know he wasn’t going to class,” he added after a beat, “but I’m not entirely surprised. He’s not quite sure he can face you.”
Rian sighed quietly into the speaker. “He knows I don’t blame him, right?”
“People have blamed him for less.” He took a breath and hoped Rian was feeling generous. “Just give him time.”
“I can’t excuse him for much longer. He has a paper and exams coming up, and I can’t just…I know he’s been through a lot, and he can submit a form if he wants to drop the class and take an incomplete, but I don’t have control over the situation. And frankly, I can’t show him that kind of favoritism.”
Raphael wanted to argue, to remind Rian that he had been willing to let Dmitri cheat and break codes of ethics if it meant helping him with his relationship. And the fact that he was trying for moral high ground now was almost cruel in the face of Dmitri’s situation.
But he also knew he had no right.
“He knows what he’s risking by not showing up, but right now I’m not willing to push him. What happened—that night,” Raphael said, swallowing thickly. “It wasn’t just a bad date.”
Rian was quiet for a long time. “I’m being a dick again, and that’s unfair to him. He’s a good kid. He’s smart, and he’s capable of so much.”
“He is, but he’s been through a lot,” Raphael told him. “And I don’t just mean that night.”
“I had a feeling,” Rian said through a heavy breath. “Will you try to encourage him to come back? If it helps, tell him I won’t address him in class. Tell him that he can sit in the back, and he can answer questions like everyone else, and I won’t…it doesn’t have to be like before.”
Raphael closed his eyes and felt a wave of grief and guilt because Rian really was such a good man, and he really did deserve the world. Raphael just couldn’t be the man who offered it to him. “I’ll do my best. And for what it’s worth…”
“Don’t,” Rian said, just a hint of edge to his tone. “I wasn’t in love with you, okay? I could have been—but I wasn’t. My life wasn’t ruined, and neither was my heart. I’d probably be angrier if it wasn’t Dmitri, but I understand why you did what you did.”
Raphael knew his now-ex didn’t understand at all. Raphael had been selfish. He hadn’t really been protecting Dmitri—he’d been protecting his own heart from the past repeating itself, which in turn hurt two other people more than he ever meant to. And he would spend the rest of his life feeling that regret.
“I’m going to delete your number from my phone now,” Rian said at Raphael’s silence. “But please tell him that class misses him.”
“I will. Thank you.”
Rian said nothing, and after a moment, Raphael realized the call had ended.
He got his phone set down just in time for Jayden’s client to walk out, and he took the payment with a smile and said nothing until the door shut. He could feel his friend behind him, and he didn’t quite have the courage to turn around.
“I gave you a week,” Jayden said.
Raphael bowed his head. “Yes.”
