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On light steps, I walked over to her bed. How pretty she looked. How happy.
“Mother,” I said softly as I stopped by the edge of her bed, the heavy green curtain pulled back all the way so the maids could fluff the pillows, shake the sheets. “Are you well?”
“Shh…” she hushed when the baby scrunched up its nose, rocking the red-faced thing with one hand while the other stroked a gentle finger over its wild fluff of brown hair. Father’s hair. “You’re all I ever prayed for.”
Something shifted in my belly.
Maybe I was hungry.
“So it’s a boy?”
No answer.
Oh, she probably hadn’t heard me.
I stepped closer to her bed, cleared my throat, leaned over a bit so she would see me standing there. “Do I have a brother?”
Mother continued to stare down at the baby while the room somehow blurred around me. Why was she not hearing me? Not seeing me? I stood right there!
“Mother?”
“Aye, it’s a boy, litta’ lady,” one of the maids said, who knelt beside me and scrubbed the floor with ash even as she glanced up at me with frowns between her eyes. “We already sent word to ye’ lord father. Ach, they’ll ring the chapel’s bells for three days.”
“Three days…”
So small, my brother, yet so important. How many days had Father commanded the bells to ring when he’d found me in the cradle? One? Two?
“He’s so handsome,” I said, even though it was a lie. His head looked strangely shaped, and his face was covered in white peelings, but I did not dare say so. “Can I touch him?”
Mother said… nothing.
She continued to hush my brother, gently rocking from side to side, humming a melody I’d never heard from her lips. “I prayed for you,”she whispered gently between tunes. “You are so perfect.”Another hum. “I love you.”
The longer she told him these things—things never spoken to me—the more my legs tingled as if to run once more. But where to? Around the room? No, Mother would scold me, but… if she scolded me, would she not also look at me? See me?
I turned away…
…and bumped straight into the stool.
It tipped, sending the washbasin to the ground with a loudclank. A flood of bloodied water splashed across the floor, sending the maids to scurry away under yelps and squeals. My brother threw his little arms up in a jerk. His deafening scream followed.
“Look what you’ve done!” Mother finally bore her angered gaze into me, then looked at something behind me. “What is she doing here? Get her out of my sight.”
My heart cracked. “But I didn’t mean to scare my little bro—”
“Hush, child…” Risa suddenly took me by the hand, spun me around, and ushered me back out the door. “Let’s give Lady Brisden time to rest while we see about the orchard, yes? Maisy can cook you up some apples, mash them, and serve them with honey, just how you like them.”
My face tingled and my eyes burned until everything blurred. “I don’t want stupid apples!”
“Galantia…” Risa squatted down in front of me on the balcony, cupping my face between her hands and running her thumbs over my eyes. “Don’t cry, Galantia. Never cry. Come on now… be a good girl and breathe. In and out, just like I showed you.”
My teeth clenched.
I didn’t want to be calm.
But if I didn’t comply, then Mother might hear of this, call me difficult, and send me to my room without Risa. I didn’t want to be without Risa. Didn’t want to be all alone.
Breathe in. Don’t cry, Galantia.
