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If only Risa was here—the only person who might have helped me in gaining my amulet back. Unless…
Drawing a ragged breath, I pushed off the table, wincing as the world momentarily spun. Ignoring the nagging protest of my frozen limbs, I sprang to my feet and grabbed my dress from the bed. With stiff fingers, I discarded my earlier ensemble and dressed, then left my room.
A fool’s errand, really.
I hurried along the covered balcony, the inner bailey lying below resonating with the barked commands of officers, the clanking of goods being moved around, and the nervous chatter of maids and stableboys alike. How much longer before Taradur and Malyr would attack? Lord Brisden hadn’t dared sending scouts out—he couldn’t afford to lose a single boy of fighting age to one of Malyr’s scouting pathfinders.
When I reached the flower-tooled wooden door, I gave a single knock, then stepped into Lady Brisden’s chamber. Was it likely she would help me? No, but I had nothing to lose by asking.
She sat before the table that held her mirror, found my eyes in it, then gave a swat of her hand toward the maid who was brushing her hair. “Leave us.”
“I will see to your chamber and ready it for the night, my lady,” the maid said to me with a curtsy before she hurried out the door.
Lady Brisden’s reflection stared at me, its features unmoving. “What do you want?”
“Always such warmth in your tone…” I couldn’t hold back that roll of my eyes as I strode toward her darkening window, where I let myself fall into the green-upholstered armchair. “I came to ask for your help. Do you remember the amulet Lord Brisden often wore when I was a child? Blackaerymelsocket, white stone?”
Yes, she did; the way she looked down as if she would rather avoid the subject—or talking to me in general—confirmed it just fine. “What of it?”
“Do you know where it is?”
She shook her head.
“I looked everywhere for it, except for the chancery because some mute, oversized guard is keeping count of everyone who comes and goes,” I said. “I need that amulet, but I cannot have Lord Brisden know.”
“What is the old thing to you?”
My gaze wandered to the floor, some of the brittle stones still faintly stained red from too many miscarriages and stillbirths for the lime powder to hide, the sight hollowing my stomach. “I believe it might hold my gift. If you only were to enter the chan—”
“Are you out of your mind? You would truly ask me such a thing?”
“All you would have to do is tell the guard you will wait in the chancery for Lord Brisden since you need to speak to him, but find him hard to catch,” I said. “It’s not far-fetched, considering his constant coming and going between meetings with his advisors and checking the hold for whatever advancements have been done in preparation for the attack. I need this amulet.”
She spun around on her stool, giving me the entire weight of her offended sneer. “I will do no such thing, putting you at even greater risk.”
“Me?” A laugh bubbled from my chest, it sounded distorted by the way my throat wanted to tie up. “Oh please,Mother, do not pretend you’re trying to save anything here but your own skin.” A cold, hard knot twisted in the pit of my stomach, the familiar sting of her indifference cutting deep. I rose, turning toward the door. “I shouldn’t have come. Nineteen years of your loathing still didn’t teach me a thing. I should have known I cannot count on you for help, should I—”
“Like when I lied for you two nights ago?” she asked, the slight but insistent waver in her voice stalling my first step toward the door. “When I confirmed to Lord Brisden that I had indeed sent you to drown that awful dress in the bay, like you told the guards by the beach?”
I looked back at her.
She had… covered for me?
My mind whirled, but my heart knew better than to stir with hope. “Out of self-preservation, and not because there’s even a shred of maternal concern in you.”
She held my stare for a second, a million emotions fleeting across that face of ageless beauty I had always admired so much. When a tremble hushed across her bottom lip, she swiveled around on her stool as if she meant to hide it. Well, the mirror wouldn’t let her, showing me everything. Every wrinkle of… regret?
Oh, you cried so desperately out of hunger, Galantia, each piercing screech a reminder that you were not my child, and I… I was not truly a mother. Would never be, no matter how hard I tried. And I had tried.
Was she trying now?
A sudden but soft wave of doubt lapped at the walls of my resentment. For the first time, I didn’t only see the harsh and uncaring woman who had loathed me so, but the mother she’d always wanted to be. Was there a trace of love still buried beneath that stoic exterior? And if there truly was, would she not help me?
I turned toward her and stepped closer, but only until the tension visibly settled on her shoulders. “If you ever had any love for me—even if it was just a shred, even if it only lasted a breath—please help me get the amulet. It holds my gift, I’m certain. I want to understand who I am and why things happened the way they did, and I won’t stop until I have answers. That nearly cost me my life just now when I tried to balance on the wall to the chancery.”
Her gaze lifted in the mirror, giving me a scolding look, accompanied by a single shake of her head. “Nineteen years of ensuring your survival, and you would throw it off the wall.”
“I won’t try again if you help me…”
