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“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just… got angry.”
At him, yes, but maybe also a little at myself. I was one to talk about not protecting Galantia. Fuck, I hadn’t been able to produce an arrow in… too damn long. Lorn could sneak up on us at night and I wouldn’t hear shit. Our goddess might have been a cunt at times, but stupid, she was not. Malyr and Galantia were perfectly matched, the deathweaver with shadows too strong fated to the void with a hole too deep.
I shook my head at that. “You’re a mess.”
“I am fully aware of what I am.” A wheezing chuckle vibrated his chest. “Why do you think I never, over a decade, called in adrif?Never much concerned myself with finding myanoaley?”
“Why?”
“Before the dungeons, I prayed to the goddess to let me find my mate,” he said, a new pearl of blood pooling on his bottom lip. “When I came out, I prayed to the goddess to never let my mate find me… but she did. That is where Galantia fucked up. And for a while, I hoped that, maybe, we can be fucked up together. But she is… putting herself back together piece by piece. I am the one broken beyond repair.”
His words tore through me, sudden and brutal. I had known Malyr for years, fought beside him, lived beside him, cursed him more times than I could count, but I had never heard him talk like that. To openly admit to whatever fucking demons haunted him, aside from those damn shadows.
I stepped up to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. “Malyr, I—”
“Once I am recovered and no longer in need of her void, I want you to take Galantia to Lanai,” he said. “Find a decent estate. Many lie abandoned since the local Ravens joined the war here on the mainland, but none have been touched by war’s destruction.”
My guts pulled tight. “What?”
“I am dismissing you from my service, Sebian.” His hand landed on my shoulder, heavy and foreboding, causing my tendons to tighten. “As for the expenses, don’t worry. Send a scout to Tidestone, letting me know how much you need to purchase the land, hire servants… whatever it is she wants. I will see it paid.”
“What are you talking about?”
His throat bobbed, his black eyes slowly clearing as he said, “I am relinquishing my claim on her.”
“You’re jesting.” He had to be! “How can you—”
“I forced myself on her.” He straightened slightly, his gaze locking with mine. “Behind the waterfall. My fated mate. The one I ought to protect, but cannot seem to protect from myself.” When I said nothing for long moments, he added, “I expected a punch.”
“And you’d deserve it.” But I’d carried that suspicion long enough that my anger over it was now manageable. “Tell me your shadows were at play.”
“What difference does it make? I did what I did, and I was never one to avoid responsibility by cryingcurse.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“I was… furious the day I found you in the bailey, my shadows already pushing me toward the edge of my control.” He removed his hand and turned back to the window. “At first, I asked her to open her void so I may siphon some of them into her, to ease my burden and regain control, but she refused. She did not trust me—not that I blame her. Things escalated when she slapped me, triggering a sort of…” A long exhale. “It does not matter. I thought on this long and hard, and I am firm in my decision.” He stared out the window for long moments before he said, “Make no mistake, Sebian, I expect that you keep her happy in Lanai. The goddess knows I can make her miserable just fine without you. She’s all yours.”
All mine.
I waited for the tension to slip off my muscles, or at the very least, to let go of the room and return some breathable air. Those words should feel like some sort of victory, but they didn’t. There was no winner here. All three of us were in some sort of pain while Valtaris remained lost.
I stared at him for a long time. Malyr was relinquishing his claim on her. He’d let her go, selflessly. He gave her to me, probably thinking I was better for her when, in reality, I’d started to wonder if she would be better off him with. How was that for a mess?
“You actuallydolove her, don’t you?” Loved her so much, he was willing to give her up to ensure her safety and happiness. “None of it was feigned.”
He gave a pat on my shoulder, then turned for the door. “None of it.”
ChapterTwenty-Eight
Galantia
Present Day, Tidestone
Isat on the wall of the balcony that rounded the inner bailey, my back pressed against a stone column, watching how Sebian aimed his bow at the target near a gate. Shadows flickered around those fingers near the string only to fizzle out—much to the disappointment of the young pathfinder girl who frowned up at him. He didn’t have enough shadows, did he?
I let my finger stroke over the blue silk ribbon I’d found on Malyr, letting it circle my wrist. “Sebian.”
He neither turned nor hesitated as he helped the girl adjust her bow hand, his senses dulled, his shadows drained.Because of me.Because of that insatiable void of mine that no one could sate.
