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We ended the conversation with the promise that Jeremy would call Foster’s cell if he needed to talk through any big decisions. I knew from experience how long it took some people to finally leave an abusive situation. Gaslighting was a powerful thing. It fucked with your head. Sort of how Foster had described depression messing with his.
I turned to the window and looked out at the view, trying to rein in my swirling thoughts. That phone call had been so unexpected. I wondered if that had been why Marcie had messaged me that morning. I just hadn’t gotten the opportunity to get back to her yet.
Soon enough I felt Foster’s heat behind me as he encircled me in his strong arms. I leaned my head back against his shoulder. “Can you believe that just happened?”
“Still trying to wrap my head around it,” he said against my neck. “I’m sure you are too. How about you call Marcie and I’ll make us something to eat?”
“Fuck, I love you.”
Foster’s arms tightened as he kissed my cheek.
“Take all the time you need.”
The rest of the morning went by in a fog as I spoke to Marcie and got all the details about how Jeremy had reached out to her and asked her advice after Clint had squeezed his arm so hard, he’d left a bruise.
“Sounds familiar,” I muttered, and hoped against hope that Jeremy would decide he’d had enough. I wasn’t sure what more I could do except try to keep the lines of communication open with him, and Marcie had the same sentiment. He had numbers and support. The rest was up to him.
After lunch, we ran errands together, then took Oscar for a long walk around the city and ended up at the harbor. The water was sparkling in the sunlight, reminding me of the diamond studs my mom used to wear. I hadn’t asked Jeremy, but I hoped he had some family and friends to turn to as well.
That night as we lay in bed, Foster pulled me close. “You have a lot going on. A new job, the phone call with Jeremy…take the time to breathe.”
“That reminds me.” I turned to face him. “Before Jeremy called, I was going to talk to you about—”
“It can wait, if it’s too much.”
In the glow of the full moon through the window, I could see the forehead lines and the downward cast of his mouth. There were things worrying him too.
“You’re always telling me to take my time. And that was what I thought I needed to do.” I reached out and brushed my fingers along his jaw. “Being here with you has been the absolute best. But I’ll admit I was scared I was fooling myself. That I would fall into another situation where I was giving up everything for someone else.”
“I would never—”
“I know that.” I cupped his cheek. “You’re a good person. But this isn’t about you; it’s about me.”
“I understand,” he replied, kissing my palm. “Maybe it’s a good idea to talk to a therapist about all you’ve been through. In the future, I mean. After you’re settled in your new job.”
I nodded. “I love that you’re always thinking about what I need.”
“It’s what you do when you love someone.”
I sighed dreamily and kissed his lips. “You need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.”
“I definitely am.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” I teased. “Sometimes you forget the towels in the washer, and I have to run them through the cycle again.”
Foster snickered. “What exactly are you saying?”
The decision clicked so squarely in my chest, it ached. “I want to live here with you and build a life together. But I need to pay half of the rent as soon as I’m able.”
“I…” He sucked in a breath and blinked repeatedly. “Not at all what I expected you to tell me.”
I froze, suddenly doubting myself. “If you still want me.”
“I’ll always want you,” he replied, and I breathed out. “Are you sure?”
I took his hand and placed the palm right up against my heart. “I want to go on walks and get coffee at our favorite spot. I want to dance to Beatles music because it reminds us of our moms. I want to hold you when you’re in the gray, and we’ll look up at the stars together.”
“Fucking hell.” Foster kissed my eyes and nose and lips. “That sounds perfect. I don’t want you to worry about where your next meal is coming from or that I’m going to take advantage of you. That’s not love. You know that, right?”
“I know that now.”
In turn, he took my hand and placed it against his chest. “I love you with all my heart. Can you feel it?”
I blinked back tears as his pulse throbbed against my skin. “I can feel it.”
