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I realized that perhaps I’d gone a little over the top defending him when my rant was met with several beats of silence. Eventually, James cleared his throat. “Okay. You, ah… you know this isn’t really my area of expertise, right? Unless the cows in question are perhaps looking to acquire land for a high-end resort, of course.”
I knew he was trying to make me laugh, but the more I’d talked, the more upset I’d gotten, and at the moment, I was too worried about Boone to even crack a smile. “You have to help him, James.”
His voice softened. “Is there something I should know about? Something going on between you and this cowboy?”
“No,” I said quickly. Possibly too quickly. Even through the phone, I could tell James didn’t believe me.
I sighed. “It’s just…” I tried to find the right words and couldn’t. I looked back over my shoulder at the calving pasture and the collection of buildings that lay at the heart of Silver Fork. Beyond that, waves of ranch land stretched toward the horizon. It was beautiful in a rugged and wild way. So incredibly foreign from the tamed city skyscraper vistas I was used to.
“What would you say if I told you I was thinking of staying out here?” I asked softly. I’d had the thought in the back of my mind for several days, but saying it out loud made it somehow feel more real.
My heart fluttered with a heady sort of anticipation. Am I actually considering this?
“Staying… in Wyoming? On the ranch?” James’s voice was incredulous. It made me automatically defensive.
“Yeah. With Boone.”
“Boone the cowboy,” James clarified.
“I think…” I hesitated. It was one thing to think these things. It was another thing to act on them. But it was time to put on my big-boy pants and admit the truth. No more putting it off or ignoring how I felt. “I might be falling for him.” I held my breath, waiting for his response.
I admit, I wasn’t expecting laughter. “Oh, Richard,” James said when he could finally breathe again.
I felt like I’d been doused with a giant bucket of frigid water. “I’m serious.”
His voice immediately softened, but there was still an undercurrent of sympathy to his words. “I know you are, sweetheart.”
“Then why are you laughing?” I demanded.
James must have realized he’d hurt my feelings. He sighed. “Do you want the truth?”
No. I closed my eyes. Wasn’t this why I’d called him? “Yes.”
He took his time, choosing his words carefully. “Richard, you have a big heart—it’s one of the things I love about you. You don’t approach life in half measures—it’s all or nothing with you. And you don’t settle.”
“You make all of that sound like a bad thing,” I protested.
“It’s not a bad thing. It’s wonderful!” James hesitated, and I braced myself for the but. “Except it also means sometimes you don’t see things for what they are.”
“I don’t understand.” I sounded petulant to my own ears, and I hated it.
“Most people, when they start something new—a job, or a relationship, or a new venture—go into it with eyes open, thinking optimistically, but also figuring they’ll give it a chance and see if it works out. You, on the other hand, go in whole hog. You convince yourself that this is it, this is the missing piece that will make your life complete. If it’s a new job, you approach it like it’s your destiny. And if it’s a new person, you tell yourself they’re your soul mate.”
I didn’t think James was being very fair. “But what if they are your soul mate? What if Boone is who I’m supposed to be with?”
“How many times have you met your soul mate, Richard?” The affection in his tone didn’t take the sting from his words. “And how many times did you hang on to a relationship rather than let it go because you were afraid to be wrong?”
I winced. Even if I didn’t want to admit it, there was truth to what he was saying. I’d dated James far longer than I should have because I wanted him to be the right person for me. It also hadn’t hurt that my father loved James, and I was always trying to please the old man. By the end, I’d felt like I’d tied myself in knots trying new things—trying to be a new person—so that James and I could stay together, and it still hadn’t worked.
But this time, with Boone, it felt different. Very different.
“You’re suggesting I can’t let things go, which is highly ironic since Oscar thinks I’ve never stuck to anything in my life,” I retorted.
“You stick to the idea of things,” James said with so much sympathy my eyes stung. “Or maybe to the ideal of them. To the dream you’ve dreamed up, even when it doesn’t match with reality. Even when it’s not a good fit.”
