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I let out a shaky breath, remembering sitting with Boone on the porch just that morning. Had I been doing the very thing James was suggesting? It had felt dreamlike, but still… “That’s not what this is.”
“No? What are you going to do if you stay out there, Richard?” James continued. “You going to keep working as a ranch hand? Shovel shit all day, every day? Wear Levi’s and flannel shirts? That’s a great life for someone, but that’s not who you are, and you know it.”
I wanted to defend myself, but I wasn’t sure how. Because some part of me knew he was right, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself.
When I didn’t respond, he must have assumed I still needed convincing because he pressed the point. “Remember when you started your own interior design business? You loved it—you thought it was the perfect job. In less than a year, you were already bored, and that’s when you started looking into exotic pet photography. After that, you wanted to invest in all-inclusive, high-end gay resorts.”
“I still think that resort in Hawaii was a good idea,” I grumbled.
James chuckled. “I’m sure it was. The thing is, you were never wrong about the jobs you pursued. They all suited you, and you were good at them. And if all you were looking for was a job, then you’d have been fine.”
“Then what do you think I’m looking for?”
He blew out a breath. “I don’t know. I tried to figure that out when we were still together because I wanted to be able to give it to you. But I couldn’t.” There was real pain and regret in his words, and that, more than anything, gave me pause. I knew James would never be cruel and that everything he was saying came from his heart.
“Look, Richard, I know how easy it is to love you.”
“You should tell that to my father,” I joked.
He didn’t rise to the bait. “I’m serious. I saw a future with you: marriage, kids, white picket fences—”
My stomach twisted with guilt and shame. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on—”
“I know you weren’t. That’s my point. You’d convinced yourself you wanted that future too. That you should want it. But deep down, you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry,” I told him.
He let out a soft laugh. “I’m not. It took us breaking up for me to realize we were never going to be good together. We needed that distance to see the truth of things. Besides, if it hadn’t been for you and your father’s business, I wouldn’t have met Sawyer. I’m living the life I’ve always wanted now.”
“Glad the implosion of our relationship could lead you to such joy,” I said sardonically.
He ignored my tone. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this. I just don’t want you to get hurt again. You say you’re falling for Boone? That you’ll be happy living in the middle of nowhere shoveling shit for the rest of your life? Then I want you to at least consider this might be just another one of your daydreams. One that the real Richard is going to wake up from way too soon.”
I blinked and realized that my eyes had grown cloudy with tears. “Anyone tell you what a total buzzkill you are?”
He laughed. “All the time. I’m a lawyer, remember?”
“I know, that’s why I called in the first place,” I grumbled. “If I’d wanted to be told how much I suck, I’d have called dear old dad.”
“You don’t suck, Richard—” James began, but I didn’t want to talk about this anymore.
“That’s not what the boys at the club say,” I teased in my cheekiest voice.
Even I could hear how hollow and half-hearted the joke sounded. If I’d been talking to Boone, he would have seen right through me.
James, on the other hand, just laughed. “Anyway, about that lawsuit,” James continued, bringing us back on point. “It’s definitely not my area of expertise, but I can reach out to my contacts and find a good lawyer in the area who can take it on. And I’ll stay in touch on it, just in case I can do anything more to help. That sound good?”
“Thank you, James.” I squirmed a bit before adding, “For everything.”
“You deserve to be happy, Richard. Speaking of, I’m having drinks tonight with Oscar. I’ll give him your best. I’m sure he’ll love hearing how well you’ve settled in there. You’re proving him wrong by staying and following this through. I’m proud of you.”
My eyes smarted, and the emotions needed to get the hell out. “Tell him his friend has a great cock!” I blurted, trying hard to change the subject.
“I absolutely will not,” he said, laughing before saying goodbye and hanging up.
Once the call was over, I sat staring at the creek for a while longer, not quite ready to return to the ranch.
