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We’ll talk about how she’s been lying to me for months. How she deliberately misled me about Ezra. How she said that he was only a family friend.
With every step that I take, I remind myself that I’ve been lying to her too.
That I’ve been betraying her ever since I had her sign those papers.
Not to mention, is that what he felt when he was angry, when he wanted to lash out at the world? I know Con said that I’m not, but does this make me like my father?
But nothing seems to penetrate.
Nothing seems to make even a lick of a difference.
My world is cracked and painted red.
And nothing will make it right until I find my wife and take her home with me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I love him.
I’m in love with him.
With Ledger Thorne.
The world calls him angry but I call him beautiful. To the world, he’s hotheaded and reckless. But to me, he’s the most thoughtful and caring man I’ve ever known.
The safest. The strongest.
The most misunderstood.
The man who gave me these two babies in my belly just because it was my dream. It ended up becoming his dream too but still.
The knowledge slammed into me when I left him a little over forty-eight hours ago.
The reason why I wanted a piece of him for the rest of my life. Why I wasn’t able to move on after what had happened between us. Why I don’t want to marry Ezra, or anyone for that matter. Well, other than the fact that I’m being forced into it.
It’s because I love him.
I never stopped loving him. And I don’t regret that.
I absolutely do not feel ashamed or stupid or any kind of remorse.
The only remorse I have is that I didn’t realize it sooner.
When I was there, with him.
As it is, I didn’t leave a note or a message as to where I was going or that I was going anywhere at all. I simply packed my clothes, took my things and left.
I know I’d promised him that I wouldn’t leave like that.
That I’d tell him first.
But I didn’t have a choice. I had to do it. To not only keep my brother and his family safe, but him too. And he’s always made me feel safe, hasn’t he? So this is me making sure that everything he’s dreamed of, everything that he’s worked for stays safe as well.
And just to double check that I’m doing everything that I can to obey my father’s commands, I look at myself in the mirror for the thousandth time. Thanks to my mother’s vanity, we’d decided on a dress that can perfectly hide my eighteen-week belly. It’s got ruffles for days and an umbrella sort of waistline that starts right beneath the bust, making sure that no one knows about the secret I’m hiding.
Last night too, at the party, I wore something similar and pretended to sip on champagne while our fathers, Ezra’s and mine, had us make rounds around the room as the happy couple. Everyone was pleasantly surprised at the hastiness of our wedding, especially after the invitations had already been sent out. But under our fathers’ direction, we played the part of the happy couple that couldn’t wait to get hitched, and especially after how Ezra had been delayed in Korea these past few months, it made sense to advance the date.
But of course the real story is that thanks to my father, Ezra’s father got his hands on certain photographs of Ezra in a compromising position with another man. According to my father, he’d received the information that these photos could be in the paper any day, which of course Ezra’s father didn’t want. So in honor of their friendship, my father proposed that the wedding take place as soon as possible, granted Mr. Vandekamp also announce the merger of two companies at the reception that very night.
My father is a snake, isn’t he?
It’s not the first time that I’ve felt bad for Ezra. Not only is he getting cheated out of his money, it’s going to be a hell of a surprise for him when he sees me with a swollen belly on our first night together.
But if I have to choose between him and keeping my family safe, I’ll always choose my family.
I’ll always choose him.
God.
He must be going crazy right now. He must be losing his mind, his peace. And gosh, he was just getting it back, wasn’t he? The picnic was a success. I could see that he made some real progress with his brothers. Meaning, going to practice every day with them wouldn’t be such a chore for him anymore. And maybe, just maybe, he’d start taking more interest in his mandatory therapy.
But now with my leaving, I feel like he’d be back to square one.
