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His breaths are still broken but they’re noisy now.
Noisy and chaotic and harsh.
So much so that I wish I could take my words back.
I wish I could shut up and leave him in peace.
But the thing is, he’s never going to be at peace without me.
Because he wants me. He’s wanted me for a long time. Apparently even before I wanted him. His obsession with me is longer than mine with him. And I know, I know, just how torturous it is. To want something and never have it. Actually it’s even more torturous than wanting something but denying that you want it in the first place.
And it’s not just me, is it?
It’s everything else in his life too.
His relationship with his brothers. His family. Maybe even friends.
So I’m here to give him all that. I’m here to give him me.
“Don’t you want to know what it is, Ledger?” I ask, prodding him, tempting him.
And for a second, it looks like he’s going to nod.
He’s going to ask me what.
It’s in every line of his face, the way he swallows again like he’s thirsty. The way he takes me in with such hunger in his eyes. The hunger so powerful that it eats at me. It eats at my heart. My organs. My very soul and marrow.
“You need to leave,” he says abruptly, getting ready to dislodge himself from the wall.
But I advance on him, getting so close that if he wants to avoid touching me, he needs to stop breathing or take smaller breaths. Good thing I have no such objections and my next breath is a long sigh that drags my engorged breasts and puffy nipples along his chest.
Which shudders.
“It’s the fact that I lied,” I whisper, dragging my breasts along his chest again.
Another shudder goes through him.
This one more violent than the first one.
“Tempest, I —”
I grab hold of his hot obliques, my fingers latching onto his muscular flesh. “Didn’t you ever wonder why I asked you to give me a baby?” He opens his mouth but I keep going. “I’ll give you a hint: it’s not because I wanted closure.”
His body tightens; I can feel it in his muscles that thrum like a string.
“It’s because I lied to you. I lied when I said that I hated you. That I stopped loving you when you broke my heart, my dreams. I lied when I said all I wanted from you was a baby and nothing more. The truth is that I never stopped loving you. I loved you even when I hated you. And I do want something from you. It’s what I’ve always wanted from you. Always. Can you at least guess what that something is?”
He looks afraid.
God, he looks terrified and I once again think that I should stop but I can’t.
I won’t.
For both our sakes.
“It’s for you to love me back. To let yourself love me back, Ledger. Without excuses and lies. Without ulterior motives. Without fear. Because I do. I love you like that. I’ve loved you like that since the first moment I saw you and I’ll love you like that until my heart stops beating. And let me tell you something else too. If your love is a war, then my love is peace. If you’re what tragedies are made of, then I’m made of fairy tales. If you’re toxic, then I’m the cure. Because I’m the girl made of candies and cream, remember? And I’m the only one who can handle the boy made of thunder and thorns. I’m the only one who can take care of him like he deserves. The only one who can wrap him around in my arms and keep him safe. I’m the only one who can protect him. Because he’s my family. Like I’m his. Which means that if you want to stay here, in this house that you don’t like, I’m going to stay here with you. If you want to do therapy and work on things, then I’m going to be here to listen to you after every session. Or if you don’t want to talk to me, then I’ll sit with you in silence and just hold your hand.”
At this, I slide my hands up his body and press my fingers on his chest, splaying them over his heart.
That’s pounding.
So much so that I can see the vein on the side of his neck pulsating.
I can see it throbbing and I have to admit that I like this role reversal.
I like the fact that it’s me pinning him in place. It’s me who’s watching that pulse like a predator.
It’s me, his Lovelorn Firefly.
Although not so lovelorn anymore.
“I love you, Ledger,” I whisper just to make it clear.
A wince goes through his system.
In fact, every breath he takes makes him shudder and jerk, as if he’s this close to falling apart. So I give him strength. I give him my weight, touch our bodies, my steadily breathing chest aligning with his shaking torso. My hands reaching up to grab his shoulders, my fingers spreading and my thumb pressing on his fluttering vein, trying to calm it down.
