AllFreeNovel
Share Us
When I am anxious, I take charge. I try to control something. I said, “We must go see her right away. I want her to come home at least for the funeral. We are all here. We can take care of her for a few days, can’t we?”
Dianne dropped her head as if she was praying and said, “I am not so sure about her coming home. Yes, we can go see her and talk to the doctors. She doesn’t know about Momma yet. It will be really hard for her. She has always thought she was Momma’s favorite.” At that we all smiled. We all thought we were Momma’s favorite. That is the kind of mother she was.
The following morning was busy. We were all working to check off our duties on the list prepared by Dianne. It was one long list that required us to document our progress every couple of hours.
I was sitting in my childhood room in the green upholstered chair. Momma had the frame made for my fifteenth birthday. She covered the frame in wool from our sheep and upholstered it in a fabric as dark as a Christmas tree. “A woman needs a proper chair for reading and planning,” she had said.
I created a full page of questions I thought we should ask Jane Hines. It was quite a coincidence that I met Jane in Washington, never knowing I would need her expertise with my family. I would talk more about Jane and her work during our car ride to Raleigh. I assumed Jane had met Caroline by this time and would know what therapies might be working. We would meet with Jane at Dorothea Dix first, and then see the doctors before we visited Caroline.
I went to the kitchen where Ethel was preparing lunch for us. Dianne was sitting at the wooden kitchen table Daddy made for Momma when they got married. All the years of moving plates, bowls, and cooking utensils around on that table and sitting together having conversations had made the wood as smooth as silk. Dianne was scrutinizing piles of papers, notes, and envelopes of legal documents.
I walked over to where Marie was playing with cups, a few pots, and spoons. I smiled at her, and she yelled “Annie!” I felt a tug at my heart. To avoid the tears that might come, I sang back to her “Marie, Marie, the wonderful Marie! The best child in this fam-i-ly!” I leaned down to her with my arms out to ask permission to pick her up. Marie raised both arms saying, “Annie, Annie.”
I kissed Marie’s neck, saying in a sing/song voice, “I am gonna get your sugar. Can I have your sugar?” Marie began a belly laugh which made Ethel and Dianne turn and watch. The laughter of a child is the best sound in the world.
I rocked back and forth holding this precious little Nash girl, the next generation, as I was watching my sisters. Marie and I went over to the table where Dianne was working. I pointed to Dianne, and asked Marie, “Do you know who this is?” Marie leaned forward with her arms out asking to go to Dianne and said “That’s Aunt-ee Diann-ee.” I cackled!
Dianne tried to act as if she was mad and said, “No, siree, little lady. I am not holding you until you call me Dianne not Auntie Dianne. I am too young to be anybody’s auntie.” But Marie persisted with the urging of her little arms, and Dianne pulled her close whispering in Marie’s ear “Dianne, good Dianne, lovely Dianne.”
While I helped Ethel make sandwiches, I reminded them that we needed to get ready to leave because we had a lot to do at Dix Hospital before we would see Caroline.
Ethel said, “I agree. We’ll take these turkey sandwiches, apples, and sweet tea with us. We can have a picnic in that fabulous car! Can you eat and drive, Annie?” I told her there’s lots of things I could do while driving. Dianne’s quick retort was, “I don’t want to know!”
I was proud of my new car, so I made sure Ethel and Dianne got the full tour. Ethel was not impressed. Her words were, “I don’t know why somebody needs this much luxury!”
“You will after we make this trip. It’s worlds away from having Sadie pull us to Raleigh,” I told her.
Dianne, always wanting to raise the level of positivity in a conversation, encouraged me to tell about the car. She said she could not wait to ride in it.
I made sure to point out all the features—the French style roof, the four doors, and plenty of room for five or six people. I showed off the mohair velvet upholstery and the walnut wood trim. Oh yeah, and the lever I can move when it is hot that pushes the bottom of the windshield out to let a breeze come in. Such a smart design! The floor is so large that Marie can play all the way to Raleigh. Toni was so sweet to buy this one in green. I love green. When I told them Toni had paid just over $2,000 for it, Ethel’s eyes opened wide like a bullfrog and her mouth dropped. She said, “Good God, $2,000! I could buy a lot of land for that! Maybe we shouldn’t eat in there! Let’s get some towels to make sure we can clean up any spills.”
Dianne snickered and asked me what I had to pay Antonio. I rolled my eyes and gave a coy smile. We all giggled. They really did not want to know.
We made a place for Marie to sit in the backseat and a safe place with blankets on the floorboard for her to play with the toys and books we were bringing along. Ethel sat in the back to keep her company. Dianne rode in the passenger seat up front with me. For January it was a nice driving day. The roads were clear of snow and ice because the temperature had been above freezing for several days.
I talked for an hour about what I learned from Jane Hines about Dix Hill and how they care for people there. Each resident rooms with another person, just like they might at home. Of course, some of the very ill are in the hospital section on a ward with others.
Ethel explained that Caroline was in a home with four bedrooms and five other women and said, “There is also a caregiver who lives on campus who is assigned to a group of patients. Everyone in the house must help with cooking and housework. Those who are able are assigned a job in the Dix Hill community. Caroline wanted a job in the nursery taking care of the babies.”
That distressed me when I heard about the children. I blurted out, “You mean there are babies in the insane asylum? That is awful. How did they get there?”
Ethel said that they were either born after their mother came to Dix Hill or mother and child entered together. She said there are child carers who keep them safe, clean, and also nurture and love them as any baby deserves. She had seen all this when she went with Momma to take Caroline there the first time. She assured Dianne and me that the space was clean and colorful with lots of things for the children to play with.
Then there was silence in the car as we all pictured what that might be like to be a child there. Ethel pulled Marie into her lap and held on tight. Marie looked into her mother’s eyes and said, “Momma, sing the Rock a Bye Baby song.”
Ethel began humming a lullaby that our mother had sung to all of us when we were young. All three of us began to sing. I sang through the sadness of wanting my own child.
Rock-a-bye, baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, cradle and all.
Baby is drowsing, cozy and fair.
Mother sits near in her rocking chair.
