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Forward and back, the cradle she swings
Though baby sleeps, he hears what she sings.
Rock-a-bye, baby, do not you fear.
Never mind, baby, Mother is near.
Wee little fingers, eyes are shut tight
Now sound asleep – until morning light.
Before the end of the song, Marie slumped down onto the back seat and was fast asleep. The next 30 miles were quiet. Marie slept soundly, lulled by the road noise. We had covered most of the things we needed to discuss earlier in the ride, but we hadn’t talked about what Caroline should know about Momma’s passing. I broached the subject quietly. I thought we should be honest with Caroline. I knew if it was me and my sisters kept this from me, I would never forgive them. My friend Jane says they tell a patient as much as the patient can handle. It seemed to me Caroline was doing well there. She had a job and everything.
Dianne agreed. She said, “Yes. If we cover this up it will come out at some time in our letters or just future time together. I am worried, though. If we tell her and then leave this afternoon, we might do more harm than good. Remember that Caroline always takes a while to understand things. Her anger or sadness usually doesn’t come out when something happens. It comes hours or days after. Maybe we should stay over one night in Raleigh and visit with her again tomorrow.”
With Marie fast asleep Ethel knew it was okay to tell me more details about the episode with the Murphy children and Philip Walker. She described how long it took Caroline to get over that. Ethel said Caroline stayed in her room for more than a week. She and Momma took her meals to her there. Although Momma didn’t know what happened to Caroline, she wasn’t really worried. Momma told Ethel, “Caroline has a tender heart. It gets broken easily, and it takes a while to mend.” Ethel said she let it be because she didn’t want Momma to know this was something more than a broken heart.
Dianne asked Ethel to tell me about the breakdown that really did scare Momma. Ethel told the story with details I had not heard before.
“It was so terrible, Annie. It was the time we all found out that Caroline was breakable. I was glad you were already in Washington. Marie was just a toddler when it happened. She cried most days for weeks. I think she knew our world was shaken.
“Every morning as the sun was rising, Caroline went to the barn to see Sadie and to make sure all the barn animals were fed. That day was no different. Being with the animals seemed to calm her. When something made her mad, she would go to the barn.
“I was helping Momma get dressed for the day. She had trouble with buttons.
“We heard a frightened whinny from Sadie. The pigs were squealing and then there was the crackling sound of wood burning. When Momma and I got around to the back of the house and could see where the noise was coming from, we both screamed. Caroline was holding tight to Sadie’s bridle inside the burning barn. Caroline’s shirt was pulled down from her shoulders. Her pants were ripped and her hair was a mess. The barn was on fire. The flames were taller than Sadie. Because Caroline was holding her so tightly, Sadie could not run. She was bucking and making all kinds of scared noises. Caroline stood frozen with her back to Sadie, chanting over and over in a calm voice, “It’s okay. We are going to be all right. The Nash girls are always fine.”
“I ran faster than Momma, so I got to Caroline first. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. I was screaming at her ‘You gotta get out of here! Let go of Sadie!’ She wouldn’t drop the bridle. Sadie was going crazy. She raised her front legs higher than I’ve ever seen before and brought them down on Caroline. The blow landed on Caroline’s back between the shoulders. Caroline slammed face down in the ground and didn’t move. Momma opened the barn doors wide so all the animals could get out. That created a bigger firestorm. The yellow and orange fire slapping the rafters of the roof looked like hell on earth. I yelled at Momma to go back to the house. Sadie went running, still bucking and whinnying. The other animals scattered anywhere they could find calm outside the barn.
“I grabbed Caroline’s arms above her elbows and pulled her deadweight away from the barn. I was able to get her close to the house before I fell backwards. Her head landed in my lap. Neighbors came from all around to help. At that point though, all we could do was watch hellfire take away our barn.”
While Ethel described the scene, I pulled the car off the road, screeching to a stop. I turned to face her as she was telling the horrific story. I was sick to my stomach. My hands were shaking. Dianne leaned over and hugged me. “It’s okay now, dear girl,” she said softly as she stroked my hair.
Ethel had to finish the story. “As we all know, Caroline was hurt pretty bad. Our next door neighbor carried her in their car to the hospital in Greenville. She stayed there two weeks. After treating her burns and the injuries from Sadie, they began changing medication to pull Caroline back into the real world. She had been unconscious for days. When she woke, she did not speak. She could only eat soft foods and make small movements with her fingers. The nurses exercised her muscles while she was in the bed and by the end of two weeks she could stand. The doctors advised Momma that Caroline should go to Dix Hill for long term care. The doctors all agreed that Caroline’s recuperation from this trauma could be months or years, and possibly she would never fully recover. That is when we sent for you, Annie. We needed you to come help us decide what to do. You were a godsend because you already knew about what they might be able to do for Caroline at the State Hospital.
“You know we lost Sadie that day. Most of her backside was burned. One of the farmhands brought his gun and did what was necessary to put dear Sadie out of her misery.”
Even though it was hard to hear all this, I still needed to know more. I dropped the bombshell and asked one question I had never asked. I asked if Caroline had started the fire, if she intentionally tried to kill herself and Sadie.
Ethel raised her eyebrows as she looked over at Dianne, signaling how she would answer that question. Ethel said, “We don’t know for sure. Since Caroline’s injuries were so bad, doctors kept her sleeping heavily. When she came to, she said nothing. I mean, did not use her voice. After a month at Dix Hill, Caroline began to talk but never about that day.
“With the barn in ashes, Momma decided we should have the land cleared. The sheriff would not allow it. His men were trying to uncover the reason the barn caught fire. They found more than we knew at the time. A dead body in the back of the barn. It seemed to be that of a young man.”
I was putting it all together now. We might never know what happened in the barn with the young man, what made Caroline do what she did, but this was why she was admitted to Dix Hill. I remember she was officially under arrest. It is clear to me now that Dix Hill was the only place to take her. She was a danger to herself and others.
Our meeting with Jane Hines was set for ten o’clock in the hospital cafeteria. My hands were sweating even though it was a cold January day. I was looking forward to speaking with Jane, but I was not sure I wanted to hear what she had to say about Caroline. I passed my list of topics to discuss to Dianne and said, “You do it. I don’t think I can.”
Dianne looked at me with sympathy and replied, “Of course, Annie, of course. This will be a sad happy day for all of us. Sad to hear about Caroline. Happy to get our arms around her.”
We had arranged for Marie to stay in the nursery while we visited. Someday I wanted Jane to meet Marie, but not now. Jane was dressed in a white dress cinched at the waistline, white flat shoes, and a white starched hat. Around her left arm was a band with the red cross painted on it. I had not seen her in uniform. She looked so official. She stood tall with shoulders firm as she approached us. But the smile was all Jane. I relaxed a bit at seeing that smile. Jane greeted my sisters with a firm handshake. She grabbed my shoulders and brought me in for a hug.
She started talking fast, “I apologize for the official uniform, Annie. After our meeting I am filling in for someone who trains the new nurses. I have to look the part, I guess. Unfortunately, I only have thirty minutes, so let me tell you what I have learned about Caroline.
“Caroline was understandably distraught when they brought her here. They ran all kinds of tests on her, medically and mentally. Caroline would not talk to anyone, especially not me. I do want you to know that Caroline is in the best place she can be right now. The doctors are excellent in their field. The staff is efficient and kind. I am proud to say the nursing staff is one of the best in a hospital for the criminally insane.”
I became rigid. Dianne stepped back as if she had been slapped.
Ethel spoke in a firm but calm voice. “She is not a criminal! It was an accident. Caroline just has trouble sometime.”
