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“She’s having a miscarriage.”
My stomach drops, and I squeeze Amelia’s hand. My chest feels tight, but I ignore it, looking at Sarah. “I—when did they—”
“They didn’t know.” Her solemn words cut through me.
All I want right now is to grab Amelia and hold her, touch her growing stomach. Miscarriage crossed my mind in her early pregnancy, mostly as something to prevent by keeping her less stressed and off her feet, but I realize now how precarious it all is. Amelia’s right. There’s no controlling it. You can reduce risk, but you can’t prevent the twists and turns of life.
“Where are they now?”
“The reason Rae was bleeding so much is because she was hemorrhaging.”Insert heart attack here.
“Hemorrhaging?” I gasp.
Mackie grabs my hand and flares her eyes, subtly reminding me to take a deep breath.
“She’s having a procedure done now to stop it. It’s an easy procedure and she’ll be home tonight.”
I let out a breath. “Okay. What can we do? Where’s Aaron?”
“There are some chairs down the hall closer to the operating room. I think he needed some time away from everyone,” Mackie says.
“I’ll go check on him.”
Sarah nods, then hugs me. “I think that’s a good idea.”
Sarah steps away and Amelia pulls her into a hug as Mackie steps up to me and throws her arms around my neck. “Just fucking breathe,” she whispers, and I smile at the way she always reminds us all to take it one minute at a time.
“Yeah. I’ll do my best.” I squeeze Mackie’s hand, then nod toward everyone else sitting across the room. Before I go find Aaron, I pull Amelia into the hallway with me.
“I’m okay,” she whispers as I rest my hand on her stomach. “We’reokay.”
“I need you to stay that way,” I breathe, wrapping her in my arms.
When I let her go, she doesn’t say anything, she just stares into my eyes while holding onto my arms, and I know what she’s not saying.She can’t promise me that.Because life is fucking cruel and twisted and rips people away from you. I haven’t had to endure anything close to what she has, and I almost think it scares me more that I haven’t. I have no frame of reference for dealing with that level of trauma or grief, so whenever it inevitably happens, I’m scared it will break me. If it’s Amelia or our baby… break is far too simple a word for what would happen to my heart.
I ache to say the words I’ve been holding back, but now isn’t the time. Or maybe I’m still afraid of getting hurt when I do. Either way, it’s time for me to focus.
Aaron and Rae need me, and I’m going to be there for them.
The familiar calming strength runs through me. It doesn’t get rid of my anxiety, but it overpowers it. With one last kiss to Amelia’s temple, I turn and walk down the hall, looking for Aaron.
It’s not long before I find him in a quiet part of the hallway. He’s sitting alone, head in his hands.
My heart breaks for him. Amelia and I might not have planned this pregnancy, but losing it now would crush me. Knowing how badly Aaron wants a family with Rae, he must be devastated.
I drop into the empty chair next to him and put my hand on his shoulder.
“Hey.” It sounds dumb, but there’s not really anything better to say.
He rubs his face and sits up a little, sniffing as he turns to look at me. His eyes are red and glassy.
I rub my hand across his back. “I’m sorry.” Also sounds lame, but most things do in situations like this. It’s not about the words, anyway. It’s about showing up and supporting each other.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, clearing his throat. “I don’t even know how long I’ve been sitting here. Why does time always move slowest in the hardest moments but the beautiful ones pass in seconds?”
“Because we’re never aware of time in the good moments, yet we’re acutely aware of it in the bad ones.”
He fights back a sob, and I grab his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. I’m grateful for how I was raised—how we all were raised—to not fear emotion or having deep relationships with each other. Too many guys draw lines in the sand about where their emotions should stop, or at least where any display of those emotions should end. They’re afraid of vulnerability, and though the level at which I’ve been vulnerable with Amelia is somewhat new to me, being vulnerable with my friends isn’t. In our worst moments, we’ve picked each other up off the floor, and I don’t care if society makes it weird for two guys to share an emotional hug. Aaron is my brother, and he needs me.
