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“Who’s looking after Britt?”
“She’s with a sitter.” I can see how much he tenses up when I mention his daughter and I hate it. It’s been years since our fallout. When will he get over it?
“I can mind her for you. Any time you need it.”
“You think I’d leave my daughter with you, Sassy?”
“Why not?”
“Look at you, you’re a fucking mess.” Gav looks me up and down with disgust.
“You’ve caught me on a bad night.” I agree, swaying slightly.
“It’s always a bad night for you, Saskia.”
I prickle at the way he says my full name.
“I’m not the sixteen-year-old wild-child you used to know, Gav. I’m an adult now.”
“Don’t act like nothing has changed with you. You’re still the same mess as you were back then. You’re crazy if you think I’m going to invite that drama back into my life.”
I can feel the rage bubbling up inside of me at his words. But even through my drunken haze, I know if I scream at him now, I’ll ruin any chance at reconciliation.
“Seriously Gav, I’m different now. I’m sorry for the shit I put you through.” I place my hand on my heart to show him I’m being sincere even as I sway on my feet. “Please, can we put it behind us and you let me go back to seeing Britt? I’ll stay out of your way. Just let me be in her life, that’s all.”
“No fucking chance.” He growls. He’s still looking at me as though I’ve crawled out of the gutter and it takes all my willpower not to shove him in the chest. “The second I let you back into my daughter’s life, you’ll start throwing around threats to have her taken off me again. What are you going to threaten next? Full custody of her or something?”
“What? No! I’m sorry for those nasty threats. I was young and stupid. I should never have gone along with Mum’s plan.”
“You came this close to ruining my entire fucking life, Saskia. I won’t ever let you back in again.” He holds up his fingers a centimetre apart.
“I need her. She’s the last person I have left in my life.” I hate the note of pleading in my voice, but if it means I get to spend time with Brittany, then it’s worth it. My mother has nothing to do with me. I’ve run away from Colt. I just need my little step-sister in my life. The only person who’s life I actually make a positive difference to instead of fucking them up like I do with everyone else.
“Well, that’s on you.” Gav crosses his arms, his face set in steel. He won’t change his mind, and it makes me want to lash out.
“Fuck you,” I hiss at him. “I’m glad my mother cheated on your sorry ass.”
Gav blanches at this news. I’d feel sorry for him, but I’m too mad. I just want to keep lashing out.
“Oh, that’s right,” I say with a mean smile. “You didn’t know about that, did you? Why do you think she moved on so fast? She already had the next one lined up by the time we left you. It never would’ve worked with you two. You’re too boring for her.”
“Okay, I’ve had enough of this conversation.” Gav turns to leave, but I grab his arm. I’m not done yet. I want him to hurt as badly as I’m hurting.
“If you don’t let me see Brittany, I’m just going to turn up, anyway! You can’t stop me.”
Gav swings back to me, his face red with fury.
“Leave my fucking daughter alone. I mean it. Or I’ll get an AVO out on you and I don’t care who knows it. Try your little fucking lies to the police. Who do you think they’ll believe, Saskia? The drunken little girl who probably has a rap sheet a mile long by now. Or the hard-working widower who’s never been in trouble a day in his life?”
The room spins as his words hit home. He’s never going to let me see Brittany, and my threats mean nothing to him anymore.
“Fine!” I shout. “But at least have the fucking guts to tell her the truth, Gav! Tell her the reason I don’t come around is that you won’t let me.”
“You want me to tell her the truth?” The angry scowl on Gav’s face gives way to a smile. “That could be the first thing you’ve said tonight that makes sense, Saskia. I might just do that.”
A cold feeling washes over me as he spins around and walks back to his mates. Why do I have the feeling I’ve just fucked things up yet again?
But before I can think about it too deeply, I run to the bathroom to throw up.
