AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“What?” Chase asks. “Thought it might get you in the mood for some fun.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me tighter against him.
“Unlikely,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. Honestly, seeing Channing Tatum dance just reminds me of the times Colt would pretend to dance like a stripper and it makes me miss him even more. I squeeze my eyes shut, glad that my back’s to Chase and he can’t see the pain on my face. I don’t want him to ask questions.
After a few moments, Chase’s hands wander. He slides them under my baggy t-shirt and over the bare skin on my stomach. He inches higher until he’s cupping my breasts, and although I feel nothing on an emotional level, my nipples pebble under his touch.
Traitors, I think to myself, but I don’t stop his wandering hands. I’m curious if the old version of me might resurface. My body is still tense though, I can’t seem to loosen my muscles.
“Relax Sass,” Chase murmurs from behind me while he tweaks one of my nipples. “Let yourself go. You need this.”
“Hmm, I’m not sure,” I murmur. I used to deal with tension this way, but tonight it doesn’t feel right. “I think we’re doing good, just being friends.”
“We’re still friends.” Chase slides his hand off my boob and it travels south, down over my belly. “This doesn’t have to mean anything. Just two people who need some relief.”
He kisses the side of my neck and I tilt my head to give him better access to it. His fingers have reached the waistband of my sweatpants, and he pushes under them until he gets to the top of my panties. He lightly traces the outline of my mound, and my pulse quickens at the touch. My head may not be in the game, but my body seems to be. This is what happens when I neglect my needs for so long, I guess.
Chase shifts so that his other hand can reach underneath my t-shirt to squeeze my tits, while the hand inside my sweatpants now dives underneath the material of my panties. He slides a single finger down my centre, coming to a stop at my entrance.
I keep my eyes closed. This is good, this is okay. I’m convincing myself as I try to relax and enjoy the moment. Having my back to Chase like this, I could almost just pretend it’s Colt’s hand.
My eyes snap open as though a bucket of cold water has tipped over me. What the fuck was that thought? I’m a messed up person, but considering getting off with Chase while pretending he’s my ex-boyfriend is too far, even for me.
I grab his hand, stopping him right as he’s about to dip inside of me. I sit up, my heart racing, but not from arousal. My breathing is ragged as I push his hand out of my pants.
“What’s wrong?” Chase asks, straightening up. I’m trembling and tears prick at the back of my eyes.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He repeats, concern and fear on his face. He’s never seen me lose my cool before.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby.” I say, my chin wobbling.
Chase smiles warmly and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. “I know that. I call everyone baby.”
He says this in such a tender and caring way that it makes the floodgates open, and a sob escapes me. Hot tears splash down my cheeks and I want to curl up and die. For someone who never shows emotion, I’m sure doing a lot of crying lately.
Chase is watching me, his brows knitted together. He pushes a wet strand of hair from my cheek.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” He asks softly. “It’s about Colt?”
I want to say no. I want so desperately to lie to him and to keep lying to myself. But it’s like someone has tapped me and drained all my energy. It takes a lot to keep up with these false pretences and I just don’t have it in me anymore.
I love Colt. I fucking love him, and even though we aren’t together anymore, it’s good to finally admit that to myself. Perhaps now that I’ve conceded, I’ll be able to move on from him.
“Yeah,” I answer Chase. “It’s about Colt. I’m so stupid, I’m sorry.”
“Shhhh,” Chase wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to be sorry. I didn’t realise how serious it was.”
“It wasn’t.” I shake my head, taking another deep breath. “I wouldn’t let it get serious because I’m an idiot.”
I see understanding in Chase’s eyes, but I don’t miss the hurt that flashes through them. It’s only for a split second, but it makes me want to cry again.
“Sassy Bennett didn’t let someone get close to her? I’m so shocked.” His mouth lifts in a playful smile. After all this time of being each other’s 3am call, he knows me so well. Do I know him as well as he knows me? It’s becoming more clear by the second how emotionally stunted I am.
“I’ll get over it.” I sniff and paste on a fake smile. “It just sucks that I have to see him every day on campus.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that for much longer.”
“Because of graduation? I’m not sure if he’ll make it, thanks to me.”
“No, because he’s moving to Sydney. You knew that. Didn’t you?”
