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A lead weight drops in my stomach, and I sit up straighter, shifting on the couch so I can see Chase’s face better.
“What?” I ask, confused.
“He got a job or something. I think he’s leaving as soon as semester breaks.” Chase puts his hand over mine. “Sorry, I thought you knew.”
Colt’s moving? He’s leaving me behind? I swallow the lump that’s come back into my throat. He didn’t even tell me.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to make sense of this news. Of course Colt didn’t tell me. I’ve been avoiding his calls for weeks. Every time I catch sight of him on campus, I turn my back. I’ve made it very clear to him it’s over, so why would he update me on his major life plans?
“He can’t leave,” I whisper. I drop my hand from my face and look at Chase. The hurt is back in his eyes, and it pains me to see it. But something else is there as well. Like something is dawning on him.
“You love him, don’t you?” He asks, sounding as though he doesn’t quite believe it. I don’t answer but I don’t deny it, and Chase exhales slowly.
“I’m sorry,” I say for what feels like the millionth time this evening.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Sassy.” Chase cups my cheek in his hand. He searches my face. “You never promised me anything. I knew what I was signing up for. I guess I just hoped it would turn into something more.”
Tears spring back into my eyes as guilt consumes me. I’ve used Chase for benefits all this time, without knowing it meant so much more to him. I’m an awful person.
“Oh God,” I moan. “I’ve really fucked everything up, haven’t I?”
“No,” Chase says quietly. “But if you want to make sure you don’t fuck things up with Colt forever, you should probably tell him how you feel before he leaves.”
The idea of doing that fills me with such fear that my hands shake. But deep down, I know Chase is right. I’ve probably already lost Colt, but I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t tell him I love him before he goes.
Chapter39
Sassy
My breath catches in my throat when I see Colt exit the building from his last class for the day. I berate myself silently for this reaction, and for the way I’ve been acting ever since I found out he was leaving.
For the past week, I’ve been following him around campus, trying to work up the courage to speak to him. I’m not someone who scares easily, but here I am, too scared to speak to Colt. I’m scared that I’ll see hatred in his eyes if I go near him. And can I blame him if he hates me? Not at all.
I derailed his life and when he got beaten up just trying to help me; I ran away. Ghosting him was low, especially after I put him in such danger. He deserves so much better than me.
I watch from a distance as Colt’s buddies join him, one by one, as they walk out of campus. They’re all laughing and pushing each other playfully. They seem happy and carefree, and my resolve to speak to Colt falters. I want to tell him how I feel before he leaves forever, but is that a selfish move? I’ve bought nothing but trouble to him. Maybe I should just leave him be.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and eager for a distraction, I pull it out. Brittany has messaged, at last. My heart skips a beat from happiness. She’s finally agreeing to let me come over and talk to her. I’ve been pestering her for a second chance and I’m so glad she’s giving it to me.
Swinging my tote over my shoulder, I race toward her house. I have to get there before she changes her mind.
An hour later, I’m sitting on the porch steps at Britt’s house. Gav’s not due home from work for ages, so we’ve got time to talk.
“I was a jerk,” I finish explaining to her. “If I could go back to a single day in my life, it’s that one. But this time around, I wouldn’t agree with my mum. It’s never, ever okay to lie like that.”
I exhale, relieved to have explained myself but still feeling bad about the entire situation.
“I’m so sorry, Britt.” I continue. “If you never want to see me again, I won’t blame you. But I’m glad I’ve had the chance to explain myself. It’s taken me all these years to realise I’ve been holding a grudge against your dad for something that was entirely my fault. I hate that my immaturity ended up hurting the both of you.”
Brittany sits beside me on the stairs, hugging her knees. There’s a serious expression on her young face.
“They would have taken me away from him.” She says sadly.
“I wouldn’t have gone through with telling the police anything. I just wanted to scare your dad. That’s no excuse, but I want you to know you’re safe.”
“Dad said the same thing.”
“He didn’t believe I’d do it?” I ask, surprised. “Good. I’m glad he knows that.”
