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I took a steadying breath, knowing he was right. Knowing I couldn’t put this off any longer. “Right.”
I swiped the box of tests off the counter and carried them upstairs to the bathroom. Knox followed but waited in the bedroom. I peed on the stick, set a timer, and then washed my hands, all in a daze.
I left the test sitting there and went out to him. In a few minutes, my whole world might be completely different. But until then, I wanted Knox to hold me and pretend that everything was fine.
Knox rubbed my back and held me close, whispering words of love. But when the timer sounded, my stomach plummeted.
“Do you want me to look?” Knox asked when I didn’t move to check it.
I shook my head and stood. “I’ll do it.”
He wrapped his arm around me. “We’re in this together, remember?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I believed it. I wasn’t sure what that meant if the test was positive. I supposed I was about to find out.
I picked up the test, and my stomach immediately sank when I read the result. “Not pregnant.”
It wasn’t until I saw the words on the screen that I realized how much I wanted the opposite to be true. It was like flipping a coin but realizing you knew the answer you wanted before it landed. And in my heart of hearts, I wanted a baby. I wantedKnox’sbaby. I just hadn’t admitted it to myself until that moment.
Until I’d felt such devastating disappointment.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, wiping away my tears. “It says you’re not pregnant. That’s good news, right?”
I nodded slowly. The rational part of my brain knew this would’ve been the worst possible time to be pregnant. As much as I might want a baby—someday—Knox didn’t. And I’d never want him to feel forced into something he didn’t want.
He held me to him, smoothing his hand down my hair over and over and over as my heart shattered. I clung to him like a lifeline, his scent grounding me. His touch making me feel more at home than I had in a week. I’d missed him. God, how I’d missed him.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that. His arms wrapped around me. My head against his chest. And I let him believe that they were tears of relief. Because they were. But they were also tears of disappointment and sadness.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
Someone knocked at the door, and Kendall jumped. I watched her out of the corner of my eye. I’d been watching her the past few days, trying to figure out what was going on. She was barely eating. She seemed to struggle with sleeping, when she never had before. And I was worried about her.
“You okay?” I asked, smoothing a hand down her back.
“Yeah.” She smiled, but it was forced. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“It’s just…” I tilted my head, trying to phrase this so as not to make her defensive. “You seem really restless lately.”
“I, um—” She glanced out toward the pool then back at me. “I’m fine.”
“Mm.” I pulled her close to me. “Maybe you should go for a swim. That always helps you feel more centered.”
“I’m not sure it will help,” she said, mostly to herself.
I frowned. Something more was definitely going on.
“Would talking about it help?” I asked, pulling back so I could see her face.
She gnawed on her bottom lip, and I wanted to suck it between my teeth. I wanted to soothe her and make her forget her worries. But I sensed this went deeper. That this wasn’t something that could be fixed with sex.
“Come on, Kendall. Talk to me.”
She peered up at me. “Promise you won’t get mad?”
I furrowed my brow. “Why would I be mad?”
“Just…” She huffed. “Please, Knox. Promise.”
