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“No, it’s—”
“Don’t say it’s nothing. Something’s clearly bothering you.” And I had a feeling it had been for a while. I just couldn’t figure out what it was. Especially when life was so good.
The team was winning. Jude was speaking to me again. And I got to wake up every morning with the woman I loved.
“Talk to me,” I said, rolling onto my side and propping up on one elbow so she’d have more space. “You know you can always tell me what you’re feeling.”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure I can this time.”
“What?” I furrowed my brow, not liking that answer. “Why?”
She was silent a moment, the pressure building in my chest. And then she whispered, “Because I’m afraid it will break us.”
My heart stuttered as I took her hand in mine. “Whatever it is—” I brought her hand to my lips for a kiss “—we’ll get through it together. Please just tell me,” I pleaded. I tried to remain calm, but she was really starting to scare me.
Considering everything we’d been through together, I couldn’t imagine what would possibly be so terrible that we couldn’t move past it.
“I don’t know how to tell you this…” She hesitated, and my anxiety only continued to increase. Still, I lay there. Silent. Patiently waiting for her to tell me what she needed to.
“You know how I thought I might be pregnant,” she said, and I stilled. Was her period late? It was about that time of the month.
All I could do was nod.
Last month had been such a roller coaster. Thinking that she might be pregnant. Realizing she wasn’t. Imagining a future where she could’ve been carrying my child, even if it seemed as farfetched as buying that time machine I used to wish for.
“Well,” she said, distracting me from my thoughts. “Seeing the negative test made me realize how badly I want to be a mom.”
It felt as if the floor dropped out from beneath me. “I see.”
“And I know that’s not what you want. And I would never ask you for something you weren’t willing to give. Which is why I can’t figure out where we go from here.”
Wow.That was a lot to process. I dragged a hand down my face, trying to compose a response.
“Say something,” she finally whispered. “Please?”
I clenched my jaw, but instead of remaining calm, I asked, “Why can’t this be enough? Why isn’t what we have enough?”Why am I not enough?
“It is. I love what we have.” She kissed me, and I could feel the sincerity in her words. The passion and connection in our kiss. “And it feels almost selfish to even mention it, but…” She wiped away a tear.
“But you want to be a mom,” I said, finishing the sentence for her.
She nodded, and I smoothed my hand over her back. I was at a loss for words. I’d been afraid this would happen all along. And now that Kendall had admitted what she wanted…
“I’m not asking you to change your mind. I’m just—” She sighed. “I’ve been carrying this with me, and I tried to give it time. I tried to convince myself otherwise. But I can’t.”
My chest was so tight, it was difficult to breathe. Yet I found myself asking, “What are you saying?”
Her eyes were rimmed with red, and yet she was still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. She placed her hand over my heart. “Knox, I would never want you to change what you want for me. Just as I know you’d never want me to compromise what I want for you.”
“You’re right. But you have such a tight grip on my heart, on my very soul, that…” I took a shaky breath, unable to fill my lungs completely. “Mi cielo, the idea of living without you…it kills me.”
I placed my hand on her waist, hoping I could get through to her with my touch. Hoping she’d let me in. Let me love her. Hoping it would be enough.
She choked on a sob, her hands still pressed to my chest. “I don’t want to live without you either. But we want different things. And it’s not like having a child is something you can compromise on. You either have one or you don’t.”
It was clear she was hurting. I wanted to soothe her pain, but I had a feeling nothing I could say would make any difference. Kendall had made up her mind. And she wanted something more. She deserved more.
She deserved everything. Even if I couldn’t be the one to give it to her.
