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I nodded, still feeling caught between two worlds. Between two men. Past and present. Son and father.
Jude furrowed his brow. “But I thought you moved to New York.”
“I…was going to,” I said, dipping my head. “But my circumstances changed.”
“Why don’t you come in?” Knox said to Jude, and I was grateful for the interruption. “I’ll give you a tour.”
“So, you…” Jude frowned, massaging his temple, his feet rooted to the spot. “Wait just a second.” He lifted his hand, completely ignoring Knox. “You never left LA?”
I shook my head. “Just before I was going to move, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.”
Jude’s expression morphed into something more sympathetic. “I’m sorry, Ken.” He stepped closer, taking my hands in his. “Is she okay?”
I lifted a shoulder. “We’re taking it one day at a time. She’s had a double mastectomy, reconstructive surgery, and chemo.”
“Shit.” He swiped a hand down his face. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there for you.”
Would he?
Jude was a nice guy, but I didn’t see him as a caregiver. Deep down, I’d always known that. But Emmy’s words came floating back to me, and I wondered if I’d been wrong. I wondered if I hadn’t even given Jude the chance to be there for me for fear of being disappointed.
Because if I didn’t let someone in, it didn’t hurt as much when they inevitably let me down.
“Everything happened so fast,” I said, clutching the towel to me. “My entire world was turned upside down, and we’d broken up. I figured I was the last person you’d want to hear from. And honestly, my focus was on my mom.”
He nodded. “That’s understandable. And I wasn’t trying to make this about me.” He blew out a breath. “I wish I’d known, that’s all. All this time…” He rubbed a hand over his chin.
I lifted a shoulder, the bridge of my nose stinging as I fought off unwanted tears. Talking about my mom and her diagnosis made me emotional. She was the one person I could always count on. The one person who had always been there for me, apart from Emmy.
“Come on,” Knox said, taking my shoulder and steering me toward the stairs. I shivered from his touch, but he said, “Why don’t you go change, Kendall, while I give Jude a tour. You can join us when you’re ready.”
I nodded, grateful for the out.
“Can I get you anything to drink, Jude?” Knox asked his son.
“I’m fine. Thanks.” But there was an edge to his tone that hadn’t been there before.
Was it because Knox had touched me? Had my expression betrayed how much I liked it?
I jogged up the stairs, mindful not to slip once more. I changed quickly and twisted my hair into a bun. I debated hiding in my room for the rest of the day, but I knew I had to face Jude sooner or later.
I forced myself to return to the kitchen, knowing I couldn’t put it off any longer. Knox pulled out a chair for me, and I took a seat at the counter. Jude sat beside me, angling his body toward mine.
“I still can’t believe you’re here.” He smiled and lifted his hand as if to touch me but then stopped himself.
“Neither can I,” I said, shifting my gaze to Knox, then quickly back again.
“How long have you been working for my dad?” He turned to Knox before I could answer. “Why didn’t you ever mention this to me?”
“I—” I cleared my throat, hoping to get ahead of the situation. “I asked him not to.”
“What?” Jude looked stricken. “Why?”
I stared at my hands, hating myself for the mess I’d caused. My actions were hurting Jude and driving a wedge between him and his father. And for what?
“My life is complicated. I don’t know where I’ll be in six weeks, let alone six months. And I worried if you knew I’d stayed, well, you’d be upset.”
“Because you stayed for your mom?”
