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It wasn’t the first time she’d told me that, but as an only child, I felt responsible. Not out of a sense of duty, but out of desire. She was my mom, and she’d done everything for me, especially after Dad had left. This was the least I could do for her.
I loved her, and I wanted her to be okay. Shehadto be okay.
“Sweetheart—” She patted my hand. “We’ve talked about this.”
I stared at the floor, counting the tiles as her heartbeat played a steady cadence on the monitor.
“Kendall,” she said in a gentle tone. “You can’t keep putting your life on hold for me.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes.” She nodded. “You are. Turning down Hayley’s invite.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but then I realized she’d been awake the entire time. She’d heard everything. I narrowed my eyes at her, but she wasn’t deterred.
“It’s not just that, Kendall. As soon as you found out about my diagnosis, you turned down your dream job. Canceled your move to New York.”
And I would do it all again. I might have given up the chance at my dream job, and I knew it wouldn’t be offered again. But I could never give up on my mom.
“You never go swimming anymore. You never go out with friends.”
“I do yoga. And I hang out with Emerson,” I protested.
She continued on, despite the mention of my best friend. “And what about Jude?”
“Jude?” I jerked my head back at the mention of my ex. “What about him?”
“Does he even know you stayed?”
I waved a hand through the air. At this point, our relationship had been over for almost as long as we’d dated. “It doesn’t matter.”
We’d been together for six months before I’d told him I was moving to New York to take a job as a translator at the United Nations. He hadn’t wanted to leave LA. I wasn’t willing to give up my dreams for a man. And neither of us was interested in a long-distance relationship.
“I bet if he knew you were still in LA, he’d want another chance.”
The problem was, I wasn’t sure I did. Jude was a nice guy, but the longer we’d been apart, the more I’d realized I didn’t love him. Wasn’t sure I ever had.
Cancer had a funny way of showing you what was important. And my relationship with Jude had always seemed so…surface level. Maybe it was because he was almost two years younger than me. Maybe age had nothing to do with it.
“It wasn’t just about the distance,” I said. “He was always such a flirt.”
It was something I’d hated. Something he’d tried to play off as no big deal, but to me, it was.
Mom lifted a shoulder. “Some men are just like that. Especially men like Jude—young, handsome, rich.”
That was the problem. I wasn’t sure he’d ever grow out of it. And neither his looks nor the balance in his bank account somehow magically made it okay. At least, not to me.
Time apart had shown me how right I’d been to end things.
“That’s not the type of relationship I want.”
“What do you want?” she asked.
“Someone who’s completely devoted to me. Who only sees—only wants—me. And makes sure everyone else knows it.” I didn’t even realize that was what I wanted until I’d said the words aloud. “Someone who makes me their priority.”
She clicked her tongue. “Mm. That’s a hard thing to find, especially in a town like Hollywood.”
I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, it’s not like I’m looking for it anyway.”
