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But it was a big step, and I couldn’t help but worry. Not just about Jude’s reaction but that Kendall would come to regret this. Regret us.
She’d already given up her dream job to take care of her mother. And I struggled with the idea of her giving up something she might truly want—children—to be with me. She might not want to be a mom now, but someday she might.
I worried that despite everything I’d given her, it wouldn’t be enough. ThatIwouldn’t be enough.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said, hoping my voice conveyed more confidence than I felt. “Jude is happy to have you back in his life.”
She gave me a look full of doubt. “Sure. As a friend. As a coworker. Not…” She gestured between the two of us.
“Hey,” I said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “He’s the one who pushed for you to work with me. Maybe he’ll be more accepting than we think. I mean, look at how he reacted when he found out you were house-sitting for me.”
“I wish I shared your optimism,” Kendall said.
“We need to tell him,” I said, determination marking my tone. Though part of my desire to tell Jude was out of selfishness.
I was tired of pretending that Kendall was merely my employee. I was sick of hiding how I felt around her. I wanted the world—and Jude—to know that she was mine. That she belonged with me.
“I know,” she sighed. “I do. But I don’t want to hurt him.” The fact that she cared so much about my son’s feelings only made me love her more.
“Neither do I. But the longer we keep this secret, the more upset he’ll be when he finds out.”
Her shoulders sagged. While we both knew telling my son was the right thing to do, that didn’t make it any easier.
“Try not to worry.” I rubbed her shoulders, wanting to put her at ease. “He’s been dating Chrissy for a while now, and they seem really happy together.”
She nodded. “True. It definitely helps that he’s moved on.”
We were quiet for a moment then I asked, “What are you most concerned about?”
“Once we tell him,” she said, staring up at me with a serious expression, “there’s no going back.”
“I know,” I said in a solemn tone. “But it’s time. Past time.” I cupped her cheek, and she leaned into my touch. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be happy for us. You saw how excited he was about the fact that I was dating someone.”
“Ha!” She barked out a laugh. “Were you always this happy-go-lucky?”
I laughed. “No. It’s you, Kendall.” I kissed her, savoring the taste of her on my tongue. “You make me feel alive. Hopeful. You make me believe anything is possible.”
She smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. “I love that about you.”
My phone rang, and I frowned when I saw Jude’s name on the screen.
“Jude, hey,” I answered. “Are you almost here?”
Kendall rubbed her hands together, and I smoothed a hand down her back. I was nervous as hell, but I wasn’t going to show it. I needed to be calm, collected. For her and Jude. For all of us.
“Hey, Dad. I’m not going to be able to make it.”
“What?” I asked. “Why not?”
“I forgot that Chrissy and I already had plans. And she’s pissed.”
“Oh, um—”
I glanced at Kendall, who mouthed, “What?”
“I understand, but we were really looking forward to tonight.”
Kendall’s face fell, and I hated disappointing her.
