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When I got into the club, I stood near the door. I told myself I was looking around the place, seeing all the faces that were smiling from the men enjoying the surroundings. As I scanned over each face, however, there was only one I was looking for.
He regretfully wasn’t there. I mingled with the crowd, sitting at table after table, getting to know the people that had fallen for the club in the woods. Many spoke about exactly that, how they loved having a place to run off to, a place that they could be totally themselves and no one was around to judge or jeer them.
Not just a night, some said, but the entire weekend. They could go for the weekend, walk around, kiss, run off into the trees to do more than kiss, and feel comfortable. If Damon, Burke, and Joel had done nothing more for all of them, they’d given them a place to look forward to.
I found it much the same. In the trees, with the sky wide open over my head, I’d come to heal, and I had. I healed, I had taken many more friends, and more than any of that, I did feel as if I belonged. It could have been the first time for that.
After my first show, a simple dance, I left the stage and Damon rushed over to me as he headed up to do the announcement for the next show. “He’s over in that same booth, if you’re interested.”
“You know I am,” I snarked.
Damon took the stage and I headed for the booth, opening the little saloon door that covered the front. “May I join you?”
B waved a gloved hand to the seat across from him. “Please.”
My stomach fluttered and I felt nerves jangling. “I was hoping you’d come.”
“Oh?”
His voice was purposely gruff, eyes heavily hooded again. I felt like, if I could just see into his eyes, I’d know. That was silly, of course, but…it’s how I felt.
“Yes. I enjoyed our conversation last night,” I stated.
“I did too. Very much.”
I couldn’t read his body language, as he sat perfectly casually, leaning into the corner of the booth, head down as his arms were crossed over his chest. “Good. I’m getting…cryptic things about you from my friends. Like…very cryptic.”
“I asked them to do that. I don’t want you hurt if this doesn’t work out. No, that isn’t fair.Idon’t want to be hurt, but I’m also worried about your feelings too.”
“So, when one of them told me you were exploring, what does that mean? You said you had been into the lifestyle a long time. Is it just me?”
“Interesting you put it that way. Just you. Maybe it has come to my mind in the past, but you…are different. Yes, Kanan, it’s you.”
Exploring…me. I’d never had that before and wasn’t sure how to take it. “I’m really confused, and I don’t like being this confused.”
“I’m sorry, Kanan. I don’t want to do that to you. I hope you’ll one day understand.”
“Me too, but for now, I’ll try to keep my curiosity at a minimum.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” He sat up and leaned on the table as he asked, “You decided to forgo the sex show?”
“Yeah. I…didn’t like that you’d leave to not see it,” I said truthfully, letting those chips fall. “If this is…anything, I want to see you a little longer tonight.”
“You’re incredible. Are you truly that loyal?”
“If the person I’m being loyal to is loyal to me.”
He stared for a minute, and it was frustrating that I couldn’t stare back into his eyes. “I feel the same. I’ve been hurt, Kanan, you have been. We’re going to be careful, I’m sure of it. I’m taking a leap that scares me. The only thing that doesn’t have me running is your courage.”
“My courage?”
“You’re taking as big a chance as I am. If you can be okay with meeting me in a mask, in liking what I’m saying and not how I look, it makes me feel like a coward. I can’t help that right now, though. I hope that doesn’t give you pause.”
“It could, but for the life of me, it’s not.”
B gently slapped the table and asked, “Shall we continue with the conversation we’d started last night?”
“Yes,” I said without a bit of hesitation. “I’d love that.”
