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Instead, Ruby takes a breath and steadies herself. "Jack and I had a long and wonderful marriage," she says.
Oh, here we go, Etienne thinks, preparing herself for the worst and wondering if she's a terrible mother for not sending Julien from the room.
"And I don't think it's any surprise to either of you to hear that finding out about you was a shock to both me and my daughters."
Etienne nods curtly; whatever is coming her way is precisely what she deserves. And, selfishly, she needs her son close by. She can't do this alone.
"When you came to me last summer with that note from Jack, it broke me all over again. I couldn't understand why he told you about his condition or why you were allowed to be the gatekeeper of his words for an entire year after his death. But I knew then that you meant something different to him than I did. By shielding me from the truth and not you, I understood that while I was his wife and the woman he felt protective towards, you were the one he felt was strong and capable. He knew he could lean on you in his time of need, and that you'd be able to shoulder the burden of loving a dying man. Apparently he did not feel the same way about me."
Ruby's eyes glisten with unshed tears. It is obviously costing her something to say these words, and Etienne wants to honor that by not interrupting.
"Jack was okay leaving me and my girls without a proper goodbye, and while I'm not asking, I would assume he let you know--at least in some way--what his plan was." Ruby pauses here, pressing her lips together and taking a moment to compose herself. "Of the two of us, he chose you as the woman he said goodbye to."
"Ruby," Etienne says, finally unable to take the anguish of the other woman's pain. "He loved you so much. He never left you. He protected you from everything because you were his beloved wife. Has it ever occurred to you that he came to me with the things that he thought were too heavy for you to carry?"
"That wasn't his choice to make," Ruby says, getting angry now. "It wasn't up to him to decide what I was too weak to handle."
"Not weak." Etienne interrupts by waving a hand around in front of her. Julien is looking back and forth between his mother and his father's wife, his former frenzy cooled into a dazed expression of disbelief. "He never thought you were weak. He didn't want you to suffer any more than you had to. You were too precious to him--you and your daughters."
"That wasn't his call," Ruby says with wild eyes. "It wasn't up to him to decide I was above doing exactly what I promised to do in my wedding vows: to love and care for him in sickness and in health. And apparently he wasn't that interested in wedding vows anyway, as he promised to forsake all others, and we can both see howthatturned out." Ruby's eyes skitter over to Julien, landing on him just briefly before she looks back at Etienne. "I should leave now. I will leave." She nods at her own words as if she's just convinced herself. "Tonight. I came here thinking...I don't know what. That you and I would come to some sort of peace about our bizarre situation, and that we could talk about the bigger issue of Julien's care and what Jack would have wanted, but I can see now that this was all a mistake. I'll call for a car and we'll go. I'm sorry."
Ruby reaches for the knob of the glass doors, grabbing it and tugging too hard; the door rattles loudly in its frame, startling them all. She tries again, opening it this time and turning to look back at Etienne and Julien. "Let's just let the dust settle and we'll talk again soon about the practical matters." She inhales deeply, looking regretful. "I had higher hopes for myself as a woman, Etienne, I just want you to know that. I wanted to come here and be above my own bad feelings, because you don't need that, nor does your son. I'm sorry I came here and that things didn't go as planned."
With a last look, Ruby turns and leaves, her footsteps audible as she climbs the stairs of their house for the last time.
Etienne reaches out both arms and Julien comes to her; she holds him as he cries.
* * *
The next morning the birds are chirping in the trees outside of Etienne's bedroom window. Her head is heavy with sleep and confusion as she recalls the scene the night before. True to her word, Ruby had called for a car and packed her bags, gathering up Banks and Dexter and leaving Castelmoron d’Albret with an extremely brief, terse goodbye.
Etienne is up and making coffee when she sees the envelope on the table with Julien's name on it. It's unsealed, which means that it was left with the understanding that Etienne can read it if she wants to.
She picks it up, her mug of coffee in the other hand as she inspects the handwriting on the front.Julien. Julien. Julien. Jack had loved the name, even before they knew that Julien would be a boy. For a girl, she'd been leaning towards Angeline, and he preferred Juliette.
"Why these names?" she'd asked. "Juliette...Julien...you just like the sound of them?"
They'd been laying in bed together on a rainy summer night with the windows open. Jack's hand had been resting on Etienne's still-flat stomach while a moth fluttered around the lamp on the bedside table.
"The truth?" Jack had rolled over and laced his hands behind his head. "When I was seven I went to school with a girl named Julia. I was madly in love with her."
Etienne had given a hard laugh. "You want to name our child after a girl you once loved?"
"We're not talking like an ex-lover, darling. Julia was seven. She was in my class at school and I thought she was beautiful, but then she disappeared. We found out later that she had leukemia, and the whole class took a field trip to see her. She lived on a farm, and when we got there, her mother had made us all cookies and let us pet their horse. We went into Julia's room in groups of three or four to say hello and wish her a speedy recovery, but she died two months later. I never got over that, taking a group of small children to see a peer on her deathbed."
Etienne had gone quiet as she watched his face. "So the first girl you love died a tragic death?" she asked softly, reaching out and running her fingers through the hair of the President of the United States of America, a thought that still occasionally knocked her completely off her feet.I'm sleeping next to the President. The President's child is growing inside of me, she'd thought to herself, watching his forehead crease. He was tanned from long summer days on the coast of France, which is where they were spending that week.
"Yes," he said simply. "And a boy never really gets over his first love. Who was yours?"
Etienne squished up her face, scrunching her nose and shutting her eyes; her first love had been tragic in a different way, and she would never name a child after him.
"Damon. He was visiting Paris the summer I turned fifteen. I was there with my best friend, Margeaux, and we met him in a park. He was American and three years older than us--too old. He took us to Joe Allen for cheeseburgers and then to Le Bains for dancing. I couldn't believe a college boy liked me."
Jack watched her that night with a look of real interest; it was easy to forget that your lover wasn't ever entirely known to you. He reached over and ran his fingertips up and down her bare arm as she lay next to him.
"Did you kiss him?"
Etienne huffed and turned just her eyes to him. "I went back to his apartment every night for a week. He and some other boys were staying in Paris on a foreign exchange program, and the man overseeing them had no problem with them bringing girls home with them."
