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I could’ve lived with his betrayal before. When we were two dumb kids who didn’t know better. But this was calculated. It was designed to hurt me. To punish me for something I couldn’t control.
I saw it in the angry set of his jaw. In the hatred of his expression. In the contempt that bled from his every movement. And he had no right to it.
Before I could stop myself, my hand was in the air. My palm stung as I slapped his face. “I hate you.”
My chest caved in at the darkness on his face. His glare was like looking into the ocean at night. Dark, without a sign of life. “Feeling’s mutual.”
13
Adam
My grip tightened on the steering wheel as we waited in the car. Rain beat down on the windows, making the streetlights look like streaks. The silence surrounding us was deafening. But I was never one who needed to fill it. My mother often spent days without saying a word, so I was used to it.
But I could feel the tension in Gio as he stared straight ahead. His jaw got tighter and tighter the longer we waited. His anxiety had nothing to do with the drug run we were doing. It was my presence that pissed him off.
I should’ve enjoyed it. Saw it as proof that my job was working. The angrier he got, the sooner he’d make a mistake. But instead, all I could think about was Ariella. And how fucking stupid it had been to touch her again.
Every day in the seven years we were apart, I told myself that tomorrow, I’d forget how she smelt. That I wouldn’t remember her voice or the taste of her. It was never true, but I’d had hope.
Now, I had nothing because I’d let myself slip. She thought I did it to piss off her father. Or to torture her. I let her believe it. Because the truth was worse.
I did it because I had to. I had to taste her again. Had to have her. Now, I wasn’t going to forget her any time soon. Her scent didn’t just live in my dreams anymore; it clung to my clothes. Her taste wasn’t only a memory; it was on the tip of my tongue.
And I’d forgotten why she was better a memory. A fantasy. I’d almost believed I could have her again for real.
But then she’d taken that call. She ran to Daddy like she always did. Chose him over me.
So, I decided not to stop. I needed to own her in that moment. Punish her for what she’d done to me. Even if it disgusted me. She disgusted me. I disgusted myself. All of it.
A sharp rap on the passenger window pulled me from my thoughts. Gio rolled it down, taking the small nylon bag from a kid who couldn’t be older than ten. His cheeks were hollow, like he wasn’t getting enough food. He hopped from foot to foot while Gio counted the money. He audibly sighed in relief when Gio nodded, and then we were driving again.
We made a few more stops along the route, collecting money from all the drug sales in the past week. Each was the same, handed over by a kid who should have no business in this life. But Gio believed in the old ways. In using the weak, like Carmine had.
Even as I was going out of my mind with boredom from the monotony of the routine, I wondered if Matteo knew they still used kids. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to strip Gio of his position.
I’d been watching Gio for over a week, and I was already losing it. I was restless. The itchy feeling under my skin grew every day. Maybe I should’ve let Gio hear what I’d done to Ariella; then, this would’ve already been over. He would’ve tried to kill me, but instead, I’d take him out. Solve Matteo’s problem and get back to what I did best. Hunt.
“Every week, this is the routine?” I asked as we headed toward his house.
“Sì.”His current tactic to get rid of me was talking as little as possible. Honestly, I didn’t mind not hearing his irritating voice. But my job was to piss him off. Force him into doing something.
“You don’t think that’s stupid?” From the corner of my eye, I saw his head whip around to face me. “Someone could easily ambush you on the route.”
“WhatCoglionewould do that?” He huffed.
“The desperate ones. Like a girl so lost in drugs, she steals them to get high. And then when she can’t pay them back, she kidnaps her pregnant sister to use as a bargaining chip.” His face was beet red as I glanced at him. “But you wouldn’t know anything about.”
“Sì. What almost happened to Emma was tragic, but we can’t always control our family. Can we?” I turned to face him as I stopped at a red light. His eyes narrowed. “Especially a willful girl willing to throw everything away for a good time.”
I was going to smash his head into the dashboard. My hands twitched to do it. To see his blood splashed across the plastic. I didn’t care what Matteo said. He’d be happy once Gio was dead.
This was the bigger problem I had. The one I couldn’t solve with death unless I wanted to kill myself.
When Gio talked about Ariella, I wanted to protect her. How easily I forgot what she’d done to me and the last seven years I’d spent trying to erase it from my memory.
If I was honest with myself, it was part of why I’d touched her the other day. I couldn’t stand that defeated look on her face when her father was yelling at her. The same one she used to have when we were younger.
He always took his rage out on them. Never physically, but I saw the way it hurt her that he thought she was a waste. Like it was her fault she wasn’t a boy.
