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“You’re making me eat all day and get fat.”
Felix had avoided saying anything about his weight in the past week, and he frowned. “You’re not fat. I know you don’t believe that, but you’re really not.”
"I feel like it." Rainier pulled up his drawers. “I want to sit.”
He’d learned to get out of the bath much slower, and he wondered if the hot water somehow made the dizziness worse. It wasn’t quite the same as when he didn’t think and stood too fast from a chair.
“You said you don’t see me as fat-”
“You’re not,” Rainier instantly said as he started putting on his sleep pants since it was easier in case he wanted to get in bed. “You’re perfect.”
“Okay, but when you see someone who is actually overweight, do you think they’re lesser or something?”
“No!”
“Then why are you so hard on yourself? Even if you actually were chubby, that wouldn’t bother me. I wouldn’t think you're lesser either. People have all kinds of bodies.”
Rainier tugged the hem of his shirt down and headed for the door. “I’m not concerned with the bodies of others because I have to live inthisbody. I have to look at it and feel it. I’ll always have this one, and it’s not exactly cooperating in the way that I want.”
Felix went ahead into the sitting room where another cup was waiting. “That’s yours.”
“I just ate like an hour ago.”
“It’s almond milk with melted cacao. Drink it.”
“I don’t do sweets.”
Felix turned to face him. “Sweets won’t kill you. Maybe your Mum thinks they’re Devil, but they’re not. Juice is sweet.”
“That’s not the same to me.”
“Pretend it’s juice. It’s warm, and it’ll help you. I noticed you had goosebumps.”
Rainier sat at the table. The warmth of the cup on his cold hands was a relief. Inky came to rub on his ankles before he wandered off to the bedroom.
Felix sat in his usual spot. “I’m trying to understand how you feel about stuff and listen to you, but I know I’ll never really get it because it’s not something I experience. I’ve never thought I was fat or worried about my body in that way.”
Lucky man.
“I know you see yourself one way, but that’s because of the bullshit your Mum’s been throwing at you for years, just like your sister. I’m not really sure what she sees, but she’s clearly got some messed up ideas in her head. Other people see you as different. I know that for a fact. The physician’s mad at me too.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not feeding you enough.”
Rainier took a sip of his drink. Fuck. Why did it have to taste so good? “I don’t want more.”
Felix sighed. “I know. I guess he thought the stress tea would help. He’s annoyed because you won’t drink the stuff for your appetite and thinks I should be forcing it on you. He doesn’t seem to actually get what you’re feeling.”
“I know.”
The physician had come after breakfast, and in private, he’d asked if the appetite tea was working. Rainier wasn’t touching that stuff. How would he control himself if it made him ravenous? What if he ate a whole meal. He’d fucking despise himself even more.
He’d admitted to the physician what he’d told Felix. The fairy looked at him like he was crazy, said he wasn’t fat, and it was stress making him project concern elsewhere. He needed to eat proper small meals because juice and toasted bread wasn’t enough along with whatever he managed to force down at dinner.
“I don’t think the appetite tea will help you,” said Felix. “It’ll probably make you miserable because it’s not like you suddenly had some stomach issue and lost the desire to eat. That stuff probably works better for old people or children that aren’t growing right. Or something like that. Anyway, you do need to start eating more.”
“I don’t want to.” Rainier gulped some of the drink to get it over with faster.
