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“Ihave never,everbeen ashamed of you,” I whisper brokenly into his neck. “I never thought you were weak. I love you and if I made you feel like you had something to prove, then I’m the one who needs to apologize, baby boy, I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like you had to be stronger to be worthy of us. Youdon’t.”
Gabe tightens one arm around me and reaches across me with the other. Charlie presses in behind me. The boys’ arms interlock over my waist.
“I just don’t want to let you down,” Gabe whispers.
“Only way you let me down was not tellin’ me any of this,” Charlie growls. “I’m sorry, too, mate. I left you in the car. I made you feel you weren’t strong enough to stand beside me and Ted. That’s on me. I shoulda let you talk more about how scared you were that Teddy wasn’t comin’ back instead of drowning you in my fucking optimism. I shoulda pushed when you disappeared. I thought I was doin’ the right thing, giving you space. But I shoulda made you talk to me instead of assuming you chose Darwin.”
“Wait a tic,” I say. “Why does Darwin keep insisting that I blame him?”
Gabe bends his neck from where he was exchanging an intense stare with Charlie so he can rub his nose against mine. “I think he was trying to fix things. He figured if he took the blame and got us back together, it’d make up for some of the things he’s done.”
“Fucking hell,” Charlie grumbles.
“He was trying to, what, redeem himself? By taking all the blame?” I ask.
Gabe nods, planting a small kiss on the tip of my nose. “I think so. He didn’t talk to me before he went to see you. That was my worst day. The day you came back—”
“I’m so sorry, baby boy.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Teddy—”
“I do. I jumped to conclusions. I assumed you’d chosen Darwin. I should have given you a chance to explain.”
“I couldn’t have. Not then. I was in the middle of the hurricane. I’d have just crawled right back to where I’d been. You told Darwin you needed some space. Maybe I did, too, so I could come back on equal terms.”
“Gabe, you wereneverour weak link. I can only apologize again for making you feel that way. You’re not. You’re our beating heart.”
He kisses me on the forehead. “I love you, Teddy. Even when I was sure I’d lost you, I never for one moment stopped loving you.”
“I love you, too, baby boy. I’m so, so sorry I hurt you. That I ever made you feel likeless. That I listened to my anger instead of waiting for your explanation. I swear I never will again. I’ll always build you up instead of hiding you away. I’ll always hear you. Always, always. I’ll never put this gulf between us again. I’m so sorry.”
Gabe squeezes the breath out of me. Charlie presses in. But for the lingering tinge of sadness, this is the boy-sandwich of my dreams. I can’t enjoy it, though, until I know I’ve done enough. That we’re okay.
“Gabe, I don’t want to push you—”
“Sh.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “Gimme a minute. I’ve got to do this right. I’ll always love you, Teddy. Whether we’re together or not. Whether you need space or I do. I don’t want you to ever doubt me. I will always choose you, chooseus. You, Charlie, me. Us. Always.”
His magic winds around us: a warm breeze, the cool embrace of water. I pull it in and twine it with the rich depths of my own element, the heat of Charlie’s. Our magics spiral together, twisting, weaving, binding us together. Our Deathless Pledges knot and lock.
“I’ll always come back to you,” I promise.
“I’ll always wait for you,” Charlie says, breathing hard into my shoulder. “Both of you.”
Hot tears wet my temple. I can’t tell if they’re mine or Gabe’s. Gabe presses our foreheads together. Unlike the seismic shift I felt at Charlie’s Deathless Pledge, Gabe’s is a gentle gathering, a slow fulfillment. This is what we were meant for, what’s always supposed to have been between the three of us. What we’ve been yearning and straining towards. Earth and Air. Fire and Water. We complete each other.
But even as the promise ofusis finally fulfilled, there’s a hollowness at our core that scrapes and tugs.
“I think when someone promises you their undying love, it’s supposed to make you happy,” Gabe murmurs.
“I am,” I say, my voice breaking with tears.
Charlie kisses the back of my head. “That’s why you’re scryking.”
I elbow him as much as I can, crushed between their bodies. “I’m not scryking.”
“I hear snot.”
Gabe chuckles and kisses my forehead again, sweeping away my growing congestion with the touch of his magic. “I know why you’re crying, Teddy. Call him. He’s waiting for you to call.”
