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“You both think it’s in mine, though, don’t you?” Gabe asks, his green-blue eyes steady on mine. “You think I gave up on you. That I chose Darwin.”
“I—yeah, I did. But The Mr. Black hinted that I might not know the whole story and then there’s what Rachel said tonight, so, I guess I just want to understand what was going on inside your head?”
“A hurricane was going on inside my head. And inside my heart. Minute by minute I went from the high of Charlie’s certainty that you’d come back to us to the low of seeing your toothbrush in the bathroom—”
“My toothbrush?”
“You have no idea what your toothbrush did to me, Teddy,” he says, his eyes searching mine. I nod to help him keep going. “It’s that pink toothbrush, the one I bought you when you started staying over in my room. It was in the holder next to Charlie’s and mine and every time I went in the bathroom, I’d see it, sitting there. I’d touch it when I brushed my teeth in the morning and the bristles would be dry. At night, I’d touch it and the bristles would be dry because you still hadn’t come back to us. It just—it became this thing in my mind. I couldn’t stand seeing your dry toothbrush there day after day. I even wet it one morning.” He chuckles weakly. “By night-time, it was dry and you still hadn’t come back to us.”
“Oh, baby boy,” I whisper. “That wasn’t a sign.”
“I know. It just ... it became unbearable, Teddy. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Charlie was away at regionals and I couldn’t stand going into the bathroom before bed and seeing your dry toothbrush there in the holder. I went and slept in the infirmary that night. I guess I was ... calling out in my sleep or something. Your name and Charlie’s and The Mr. Black’s. I don’t remember what I was dreaming about. I had so many nightmares while you were gone, they just blended into each other. The healers called The Mr. Black. He came and got me. I stayed the next night with him. That’s where Hog is. The Mr. Black’s a Water-mage like I am and he said he’d look after Hog while I was ... not coping so well.”
I reach up and brush his fringe back from his glinting eyes. “That’s why Lords told me things with you weren’t what I thought they were. I’m glad he took care of you.”
“He didn’t, though,” Gabe says. “He let me stay with him for a night and watched Hog for me so I wouldn’t neglect him while I was ... well, he called it moping. But he didn’t take care of me. He listened to me and then told me to get a handle on my shit. We all lose people, he told me. It’s how we deal with the loss that matters. It’s figuring out how to cope, to go on. If I couldn’t face being in our suite without you there, then I shouldn’t sleep there. But losing you, even temporarily, wasn’t a reason to shut down, give up, slack off. He told me to get to the library, study hard, ace my midterms, and make you proud. And I did, Teddy.”
I sigh. “Lords is a bastard, but he wasn’t wrong.”
Not in his advice to either of us.
“The morning you came back, that was the first night I’d spent at Darwin’s. And it wasatDarwin’s, Teddy. Notwithhim. I didn’t sleep with him. I haven’t, I promise. I haven’t even forgiven him. We’ve talked a little. He’s let me use his guest room and his bathroom—”
“Where there’s no pink toothbrush,” I say, my lower lip trembling at the thought of Gabe touching my toothbrush day after day, his hope fading a little more each time.
He brushes my lip with his thumb. “Does that make me a coward?”
“No,” Charlie says quietly, resting his chin on my shoulder. “You never told me about Teddy’s toothbrush.”
“I didn’t want to make it a thing for you, too,” Gabe says. “I could see you were struggling to stay positive, to keep believing. I knew you felt you had to stay strong for me. You had to carry me, because I was falling apart.”
Charlie reaches over me and squeezes Gabe’s shoulder. “I know my optimism got to you, but I didn’t realize I was making it unbearable for you, mate. I’m sorry.”
I cover Charlie’s hand with mine. Gabe lays his hand on top of mine.
“I’m the one who needs to apologize. You and Teddy were right when you left me in the car because I was weak—”
“No,” Charlie and I chorus.
“Yes,” Gabe insists. “Iwasdragging you down. That’s why, when you came back, I didn’t throw myself at you the way Darwin did. I wanted to build myself up first. I didn’t want to come crawling back, begging your forgiveness for being the weak link again. I wanted to come back on my own terms. Strong enough—” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “Strong enough to do this.”
He lifts his hand off the stack, holds it between us, and closes his eyes, brows drawing in as he concentrates.
In his palm, a ball of vapor coalesces, spins, and begins to glow blue-white. Gabe’s shoulder shakes under our joined hands. His jaw flexes. Then unlight spills out of the ball. It spreads shadows over us like an octopus’ tentacles, damp and somehow weighty. I shiver under that chill touch.
Gabe’s eyes open, focusing on his hand, his irises rippling aqua. Slowly, the shadows withdraw, the blue-white glow becomes blinding for a moment and I squint into the glare. Then it winks out. Gabe blows out a long breath.
“Baby boy, what—?”
“You opened a portal,” Charlie says. “And then you closed it. That’s-that’s fucking amazing, Gabe. I had no idea you could do that.”
“I think I’ve spent more time in the library and the practice hall than even you have, Teddy.” Gabe smiles shyly. “I’ve started mastering my Air-magic. I’m the only one of us who has two Elements. I should be the strongest; instead, I’m the weakest. If I’d mastered Air before you confronted Klotho, you wouldn’t have had to leave me in the car. I could have closed that portal before Klotho hurt Uncle Jou. But I promise, I’ll do better. You won’t have to be ashamed of me. You won’t have to leave me behind again.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and crush him to me, unable to bear the hash we’ve made of our shite.
Chapter19
Apologies on the Half-Shell
