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Hayden closes his eyes. “I’m afraid that this is all a dream and you’re not really alive. That I’m still in that house where my mother died, but instead, I’ll find your body there. I can’t handle that if it’s reality. I can’t live without you.”
“Hey,” I whisper, taking his hand between mine. I shove away the horror churning inside me. It must’ve been traumatic for Hayden to be there after all these years. I refocus my thoughts because right now he needs reassurance, the same way I needed to know about Russell’s death. “I’m fine, Hayden. This is real. We’re together, sitting on this bed.”
He looks at me, his gaze full of yearning. “Are we really together, Callie?”
I pause. I don’t want to lie to him, but I can’t give him the answer he wants. “I—I don’t know. There’s so much we need to discuss, but I don’t know if I have the strength to hear it.”
“We can do this now or wait until we’re home. Giving you the choice is the least I can do.”
“Let’s have this conversation here,” I say with a resolute nod. “That way, if I have a heart attack, I’m in the best possible place to survive it.”
He frowns at me while gripping my hand like a lifeline. “That’s not funny.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”
“I can’t deny that I’ve done some terrible things and made a few choices that I wish I could take back,” he says slowly. “Some of which can’t be justified or easily forgiven. But despite everything, I love you, Callie. You’re the only thing in my life that makes it worth living. I used to live for justice, but now I live for you.”
It takes me several deep breaths to find my ability to form words. Even when I do, they tremble, exposing my inner turmoil. “I don’t want anything from you except complete honesty right now. Not some half-truths or lies by omission. I want all of the facts that lead you to do what you did.”
“I’ll explain, but you know all of it already. What Russell said?” Hayden averts his gaze, a streak of pain briefly traveling over his face. “He told you everything. How he set me up to think your father murdered an innocent woman, the exact type of person that I’d be tempted to kill to protect society. It worked. He fooled me, and I took the senator’s life. I’ll carry that regret with me until I die.
“After my mother’s death, I swore to myself that I’d not only avenge her, but any other woman who’d met a similar end. I worked both sides of the law by being an attorney and a criminal, with the one goal of making sure no one guilty got away with such a horrendous crime. My choices, both good and bad, led me to you.”
He looks at me and releases my hand to trail his fingers down my cheek. “All of my pain and suffering was worth the chance of meeting you. Never mind the honor of loving you.”
“Hayden…” His name is full of the agony inside me. It spills onto every letter.
“I’m truly sorry for what I did,” he says, his voice strained. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need it. Just like I need you. Please, Callie.”
His blatant desperation is what breaks me.
Tears fill my eyes and spill onto my cheeks. I don’t bother wiping them. Not when many more will follow. “I believe you’re sorry, and I understand how the pain of losing your mother drove you to do what you did. But understanding doesn’t change anything or make it hurt less.”
He reaches out to gently brush the tears from my cheeks, raw anguish in his gaze. “You’re right.” He takes a shaky breath. “What do I do now?”
I wince at the self-loathing written on his face. “I need time. Can you give me that?”
His eyes narrow with displeasure, and my pulse ratchets. “How much do you need?”
“Grief doesn’t have an expiration date,” I snap. “And neither does forgiveness. You said you’d do whatever it took to win me back, but the second I mention needing some time to myself, you revert to your old self. If you really want to prove that I can trust you, you’ll let me go.”
He lets out a laugh that holds no amusement. “I don’t fucking think so.”
Chapter31
Calista
I makemy escape the following morning while Hayden’s at court.
After talking to police about the “incident” and blaming the drugs for my lack of helpful details—withoutpointing them in Hayden’s direction—I walk away from the hospital. If only I wasn’t wearing the same clothes from before. Seeing them reminds me of Russell and has my stomach churning.
Or maybe it’s the pregnancy.
“Please don’t cause me problems like your father does, okay?” I whisper to my belly. “I can barely handle one Bennett. I don’t need another one making my life difficult.”
My breathing goes shallow at the idea of Hayden’s reaction when he discovers I’m gone. I might’ve left him a note so he knows I’m fine, but he’s not going to be. Fucking pissed is more accurate.
His possessiveness runs too deep to let me have any real independence. And it’s not only my life I’m taking into consideration. Being pregnant has changed everything. I may not be strong enough to walk away from Hayden, but I can and have for this baby.
