Page 83 of She Was Mine First

It was filled with so much intensity I could barely take it, and I had to remind her…

“Livvy, you’re forever my girl.”

Livvy

I blinked, and I was suddenly standing back on that balcony. The orchestra continue to play in the distance from inside. I couldn’t remember the last time I just stood still, appreciating the scenic view for what felt like the first time.

The escape I sought was nowhere to be found under the full moon, dancing off the castle. Only darkness surrounded me like the sadness reflecting off my heart at the moment. I watched the wind blow the trees for I don’t know how long, letting my mind wander to a time when things weren’t so fucking complicated.

I love Beau, but why did I feel as if I wanted to burn the whole place down because they’re dancing?

I didn’t know how Ethan was still able to elicit emotions I thought were long buried. It wasn’t him dancing with the supermodel that bothered me the most. It was that I wanted to be the woman he was dancing with and not her.

Watching Ethan these past few days was quite a sight.

The power he exuded.

The way he governed any room.

Ethan Carter truly turned into the man my father always wanted me to marry. He was a Beau Hunter in his own right, becoming a self-made billionaire instead of born with a silver spoon in his mouth like my fiancé and I were.

I stayed there for I don’t know how long when I unexpectedly felt Ethan behind me. Except I couldn’t turn to face him at that moment.It was too difficult. The overwhelming emotions were too heavy to endure, and I knew he could see right through them.

He could see right through me.

In ways Beau didn’t.

Couldn’t.

Shaking off the unrelenting feelings that Ethan evoked from deep within my body, I opened my mouth to say something.

Anything.

But there was only silence.

He was the first to close the distance between us. Merely adding to the internal battle that surfaced in the forefront of my mind. It was a whirlwind of thoughts racing profusely.

From my mind.

To my heart.

To every bone in my body.

I looked down at the ground when his looming presence behind me was too much to bear. My breathing hitched, but I stayed firmly in the place I was standing.

I didn’t move; cemented in place.

It seemed like I was barely breathing.

It was a moment where I felt completely vulnerable and exposed, making it easy to share the only thing I could…

“I still think about that summer. From prom night to our last goodbye. It haunts me, Ethan. Is that what you want to know?” I could feel the tears rimming my eyes. “I moved away because I thought it would be easier for the both of us. Our friendship was too important to ever sacrifice that with having a real relationship with you. However, that didn’t take away the love I felt for you. The love I still feel for you.” I paused, clearing my throat to stop my emotions from getting the best of me. “As much as we swore what happened between us wouldn’t change our friendship, it did. You were all I had, and then I was alone and found Beau. For years, a little part of me felt like I was trying to replace that love I felt for you with him.”

I protectively wrapped my arms around my stomach in a comforting gesture, desperately trying to hold in the memories that threatened to spill. Thinking about the past and the future, I closed my eyes, and although we weren’t touching, I felt him all over.

There was no hiding…

From him.

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