Page 84 of She Was Mine First


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From me.

From us.

It physically pained me to stand there with him, telling him everything I didn’t want him to know until I finally spun to face him. His expression mirrored mine, almost rendering me speechless.

“I do love Beau, Ethan. But for a long time, he was right. I did put you before him, before everything. Though somewhere along the way… I did fall in love with him.”

He winced, and I hated that I was hurting him.

“I have no right to get jealous of you with any woman. You’re not mine. You never were. I’m getting married, for God’s sake. I have no business involving myself in yours. You’re free to be with anyone you want, and it’s shameful that I’m getting riled up over my best friend possibly finding a love of his own. It’s selfish and unfair to you, and I’m ashamed for even feeling this way and for making you feel bad about being with someone you’ve obviously hooked up with for who knows how long.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Livvy. I’ll always be yours, and you’ll always be mine.”

“I’m getting married in three days, Ethan. I’m going to be someone’s life, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. I’m going to be the mother of his children—he’s going to be the father of mine. You can’t say stuff like that to me anymore. It’s not right.”

“Everything about us is right.”

“Enough!” I shouted a little too loudly, but the loud orchestra muffled my tone.

I didn’t want to make a scene or draw any unnecessary attention to us. Especially with my fiancé. Beau didn’t deserve any of this, and I had to put a stop to it. I should have done it a long time ago, but this was the first time in years that I’d seen Ethan with another woman.

It hurt me in ways I hadn’t expected and only made me feel that much worse. I wasn’t this girl. I was committed to Beau, and I had to prove that to myself.

I was his.

Only his.

In order to officially put our past behind me, our summer and everything between, I did what I had to do. Fisting my hands, I fought with the words that already tasted like battery acid on my tongue and I hadn’t even said them yet. Merely thinking about them crippled my apprehension not to want to say them at all.

You have to do this, Livvy. You owe it to your husband-to-be.

In a determined tone, I declared, “You’ll forever be my best friend, but I can’t keep putting you up on a pedestal before him anymore.”

“Livvy—”

“I know I promised you that I’d never forget that I was yours first.”

His eyes widened with so much emotion it almost knocked me on my ass.

“I’m so sorry, Ethan.”

I had to be strong. In spite of regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth, I clearly stated, “I should have never made that promise to you.”

“Is that why you stopped wearing my necklace?”

I couldn’t lie to him.

I never could.

I hated this.

In one word, I killed us both…

“Yes.”

ChapterTwenty-Six

Livvy

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