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“A job you love, a man who adores you, a family with that man, that’s what you deserve. Don’t settle for the family business, the crumbs of love you get from the Millers, or a sperm bank. We want the best for you. I’d hire people to cover for you. Not because we don’t need you. God knows this family needs you more than we need maple trees, snow, and apples.”
I relax my shoulders. Okay, so they’re concerned. They want what’s best for me. Do they know what that is? I don’t. Honestly, I have no idea if New York is better than Kentbury.
I was born and raised in this picturesque town. I went to college in Boston. It took me some time to get used to the big city. At first, the thick scent of smog and noise pollution blaring twenty-four-seven set me on edge. I missed the stillness and peace of my hometown during the summer and the white powder covering everything during the winter.
I prefer to walk in the small town where everyone knows each other. People stroll around the town square to go from the bank to the dry cleaners, the diner, or the movie theater. If we want a fancy dinner, we make a reservation at the ski resort. For a casual Friday, there’s the pizza place down on Main Street.
I enjoy the aroma of winter when the air is cold and filled with moisture. In college, I got used to the fumes from belching vehicles. I could do it again. Moving to New York won’t be bad, but I know in my heart that it’ll never feel like home.
Yet, my brothers are right. The headhunter who contacted me is handing me an opportunity of a lifetime. Financially, professionally, and most of all, personally. I have to put some distance between Landon and me. If I’m lucky, I’ll unfall in love—is that even a word? If it isn’t, I just made it up. We’ll call this next stage of my life,operation unfall in love.
“So, I just pack my things and go?” I ask.
“Why not? You can at least do it for a few years,” Damian agrees. “Your experience might help the resort, even the gift shop.”
“There’re plenty of sperm banks in the city,” I mention as an afterthought.
“Find a man, fall in love,” Damian says.
“Because it’s that easy.” I roll my eyes.
“Not in this town,” Bishop says. “Everyone knows you. They know you’re in love with Landon.”
“He knows?” I ask while my pulse spikes.
“I don’t think so, but that’s not the point,” Bishop says, giving Damian an exasperated gaze.
Seriously? They’re infuriating. Not only that, they’re ganging up on me. I have work to do. They’re stalling by giving me relationship advice. How ridiculous is that? Damian sleeps around with his guests—single or married, he doesn’t discriminate. Bishop is a serial monogamist. He chooses women he knows won’t stay long enough and once they leave, he’s tossing someone new into his bed.
“I won’t talk to him. If he ever finds out about my feelings, things will change between us, and I just can’t lose Cassie.”
I listen to myself, and God, I sound pathetic, desperate, and stupid. They’re right, I have to make a plan, pack, and go. Kentbury might be my home. But if I don’t leave, I’m going to die alone and unhappy. I feel a pang of sadness as I remember how happy I felt just a few minutes ago, back in the kitchen cooking for everyone, pretending that we were one big, happy family. My emotions storm inside my body. Somehow, between what my brothers just said and the moment I shared earlier, I become more aware of what’s missing in my life.
The one thing I desire the most but would be missing from my life if I don’t do something now. I text Landon, canceling tonight’s dinner. I’ll make a frozen pizza and watch Netflix with Bob.
It’s time to move on.
ChapterThree
Landon
As I driveto my shop, I try to delete the mental image of Lee while I was leaving the B&B. Her perfect curves molded by that tight sweater dress she was wearing. Her hazelnut hair tied into a messy bun. Her knee-high boots inviting me to do very naughty things to the only female friend I have. My wish for this Christmas is to be able to bend her over the kitchen counter, spread her legs—while she wears those boots—and eat her.
Stop, Miller.
This just-friends between Lee and I is more complicated as we grow older. Since Cassie arrived in my life, I haven’t dated. Nor do I have any interest in being with a woman. Cassie became my life and Lee, my anchor. I only have time for my girls.
Who the fuck am I kidding? I don’t want to look at anyone else, only at Lee. She’s perfect. I just can’t figure out how to make things work between us.
She deserves a lot more than a washed-out mechanic with a kid. Actually, the only good thing I have going for meismy kid. She’s the best part of me. I’m happy the way my life is though. Do I miss having someone next to me? No, I’ve never had a relationship before. I can’t miss what I’ve never had. Screwing up my relationship with Lee because I’m attracted to her isn’t worth it. Not only would I lose a friend, but my daughter would also loseherLee.
Knightly isn’t her mom, but since Cassie came into my life, she’s been very much like her mom. They have a special bond. My child might look like me, but she acts so much like Lee.
I just don’t know how to get rid of all the emotions Lee provokes. Earlier, when I saw the naked intruder at the B&B, I wanted to kill him because I had visions of him being a one-night stand of hers who wouldn’t leave; I can’t stand the thought of anyone being with her.
I toyed with the idea of being the one guy who deserves her heart. I don’t miss what I’ve never had, but I yearn for what Icouldhave with her. I want her in my arms, my bed, and my house. Every day I try to find time to be with her. At night, I wish I had the courage to kiss Lee, devour her mouth as I touch every inch of her body.
I just can’t ruin our relationship. Maybe one day I’ll be thankful for not fucking up our perfect friendship by acting on my desires. If only I knew how to have a romantic relationship. I park in front of my shop, taking a deep breath as I bury my emotions deep. I stay there for a long time, watching locals and tourists alike walk around the town square. The small ice rink that the local merchants set up every year is already crowded, and it’s not even ten in the morning yet.
