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“I believe that’s actually true,” she said. “Who knew?”
“Why wouldn’t it be true? That therapist asked you why you don’t deserve joy, and now I’m asking you. Your mum has joy, and a man who’d give her the moon, too. Why shouldn’t you deserve the same thing? You give so much. Why shouldn’t you get it back?”
“I—I don’t know. I just never have. So I thought—”
“Because I wasn’t here yet,” he said.
“Oh, that’s great. Some ego.” She was laughing, though. And then she got serious again. “And you think I’m not sure about you? Or the kids? Beckett. I love you, and I lovethose kids. Can’t you tell? You and the kids—that’s so much of my joy. But—”
“Here we go. What? What about you is meant to be my dealbreaker?”
“Well, for one thing, I’m thirty-eight. I’d love to have a baby—for us to have a baby—I mean, obviously, another baby, for you, but—”
“Well, that’s it,” he said. “I’m out of here. Off to find somebody whose eggs haven’t expired.”
She hit him. Yes, she did. “I’m serious.”
“And so am I. I’d be over the moon about another baby. Of course I would. Being a dad’s about the best thing in my life. Except for being a husband. I’ve missed that. I’d like to do it again. And if the baby doesn’t happen? We’ll love the ones we’ve got.”
“Oh. All—all right.”
“Is that it, then?” he asked. “Have we negotiated enough? I realize I don’t have the ring. I could do the kneeling-down thing once I get it, if you like. Come up with a romantic idea with Janey, maybe. Alexis is sure to have some. I’m guessing a hot-air balloon. Horseback ride. Private island. Skydiving. Tell me when I’m getting warm.”
“You idiot. Of course I don’t want you to kneel down. And I don’t know, about a ring. I don’t want a diamond, or anything big. But I do want something. Isn’t that odd? Is it materialistic? Am I trying to show off? I hope not.”
“No,” he said. “You want something to look at during the day that helps you remember I love you. Nothing wrong with that. We’ll sort it out together. A sapphire, maybe. Or a ruby, even better. You’d look beautiful with a ruby. I’m going to wear one, too, so you know.”
“A ruby? That’ll be special. I’m sure the guys will be impressed.”
He laughed. “A ring. I don’t want to get the tattoo removed.”
“Beckett,” she said. “I’d never ask you to do that. I’d neverwantyou to do that. I think Abby’s part of you. An important part, and a precious one. I think she made you a better man.”
“She did,” he said. “And so have you. I’ll wear a silicone ring at work. Some of the fellas do that. Safer. And the gold one outside work. A ruby set in gold, though. Say you like the idea. I want to buy it for you.”
“You won’t let me get to the most important part, though,” she said.
“Oh. I thought we’d done that. OK. What?”
“We’re … our career paths are incompatible,” she said, looking so troubled. At least he thought that was it. It reallywashard to tell, with the black eyes and all.
“They are? Why?”
“Terrell told me. When we were skiing. And I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.”
“Wait,” he said slowly. “Is that why you cried when we moved? Why you were so oddly cheerful? Drove me mad. You’re saying your friend told you … something about our career paths, and instead of talking to me about it, you decided to get all bloody cheerful on me?”
“Well, yes,” she said. “Since you put it that way. Because I could see he was right.”
“Explain,” he said.
“I’m a judge.”
“I noticed.”
“Excuse me. I’m explaining? I’m a judge. I want to keep being a judge, and I can only do that in Montana. To be honest, I want to keep doing it here. I know I could move somewhere else, bloom where I’m planted and all that, and I would if I had to, for you and the kids, but I really don’t want to. I really don’t.”
“And I wouldn’t ask you to,” he said. “Seems to me I’m doing a fair job of blooming myself. We good, then?”
