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He’d failed.
Finally, the cops left. He shut the door behind them, and his hand went into his hair. He could nearly feel Abby here beside him, her hand on his low back in the way she did when times were hard, rubbing there, letting him know she knew he loved her, and that she was there for him, too.
But she wasn’t there anymore, and he’d never feel that hand again.
Janey gave a sort of cry and ran to her room, the noise of the slammed door reverberating behind her.
He had to go talk to her. He had to explain. He had to help her … wash her face, maybe. Plait her hair. He had to try to be Abby, but he’d never be Abby.
And then, in the morning, he had to tell Troy.
He had to make it better.
How?
15
NONE OF MY BUSINESS
Quinn’s phone rang when she was in the shower. She banged her elbow against the shower door, thought,Call whoever it is back later,andIt’s probably spam, or some cop needing a search warrant,and lurched out of the stall anyway, stabbed at the phone with a wet finger, cursed, grabbed a towel, stabbed again, and said, “Hello?” while dripping onto the bathmat.
“Hi,” Beckett said. “You sound breathless.”
“Well, yes,” she said, rubbing at her wet hair. “I was in the shower.”
“Oh.” A pause. “Then I’m telling myself you had another reason for answering, some judge thing. That you didn’t decide to climb out and talk wet and naked because it was me.”
“I did think about a search warrant request,” she said, feeling the stupid smile starting despite every reason it shouldn’t, “but I wouldn’t have climbed out of the shower for it. I tend to avoid talking to cops while I’m naked. It never feels like a power position. How’s Janey?”
“A bit rough. She’s pretty crook, which makes everything feel worse, I guess, but …”
“So you haven’t dated before this. I wondered.”
“No. And it’s …” He exhaled. “Harder than I thought it would be. I could’ve anticipated, probably.”
“Oh.” She tried not to feel disappointed. It wasn’t easy. “I’m not surprised, actually. I was a family-law attorney. I still do plenty of custody cases. Kids … they always end up in the middle. Even though you aren’t divorced, of course,” she hurried to add. “I don’t know as much as I might about parental loss, but kids cling to the idea of their parents and long to be back with them even when they’re awful, and I’m guessing your wife wasn’t awful. What was her name?”
A pause. “Abby. I didn’t mean to make this some kind of therapy session. I meant to say that I need to talk to the kids about dating, that’s all. And to apologize, of course.”
“Why should you? You’re a good father. No need to apologize for that. Anyway, I was just thinking it wouldn’t work anyway, so we’re good.” Trying to make it brisk, to make it all right.
Because she hadn’t been thinking that. She’d been thinking about those roughened fingertips against her skin, the way they’d made her shiver, and the way he’d kissed her once he’d gotten into it. A little hungry. A little demanding. Like he wanted her.
Stop it. If it’s bad for his kids, and it would be, you can’t be part of that. Not and look yourself in the eye. Janey can at least get mad, but that little boy—he could be hurt so easily. And Beckett’s backing off anyway. You’d only make a fool of yourself.“We’re good,” she said again.
“Oh. Well, all right, then.”
“You sound surprised,” she said. “I thought we were on the same page here.”
“Up to you, of course,” he said.
“I’d still like to come check on Janey tomorrow,” she decided to say. “It would give me a chance to talk to her, too. She’s got to feel so confused. And don’t worry, I’m not going to traumatize her. I talk to kids a lot.”
“I noticed that. That you care about them.”
“I do. I’m on a judicial committee for child welfare issues, in fact. You could say it’s a passion of mine. Montana has too many kids in foster care, and a lot more in a bad way. Lots of issues, and if I can help with that, I’m—” She broke off. “So anyway. OK for me to stop by and check on her, talk to her a bit? I’ll bring her some ice cream. Bribery’s always good.”
“Reckon it can’t hurt. And it’ll ease my mind. So we’re—”
