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“No other damage?”
“Lula put a bullet in the front window and Frankie drilled a couple holes in Connie’s desk.”
“That’s it?” Ranger asked.
“I went to see my apartment. The restoration people were working there. They thought I’d be able to get in tomorrow if I wasn’t too picky about the conditions. And I’ve been served with an eviction notice. Guess I’ve had one too many firebombings. How was your day?”
“Routine. I’m hoping for an armed robbery while I’m on patrol.”
“After a routine day in the office, I imagine you’d like the opportunity to chase someone down and punch him in the face. Maybe throw someone out a window like the good old days.”
“You’re yanking my chain, but it’s all true.” He pushed back from the table. “I have to go. Hal is probably already in the garage waiting for me.”
I collected the plates and put them on the cart. I went to the fridge and found a slice of key lime pie with a pretty swirl of whipped cream on top of it and a side garnish of raspberries and blackberries. Bob had already eaten, and Ranger never ate dessert, so I had the pie all to myself.
I was finishing the pie when Grandma called.
“You’ve gotta come over here,” she said. “We have a disaster. Loretta’s wedding is Saturday and one of the bridesmaids just got her appendix taken out. We figure you’re about her size and could fit in her dress.”
“You want me to be a substitute bridesmaid?”
“Yeah,” Grandma said. “It’s a good gig. You get to sit at the head table at the reception.”
“No. No, no, no, no.”
“Okay, I’ll level with you. It’s no picnic being here. You’d think it was the king of England’s coronation. There’s elaborate plans in place and a lot of hysteria going on. Your mother’s been knitting and sneaking hits of Jim Beam since seven this morning. If they can’t find someone to fit in that dress and walk down the aisle, all hell’s gonna break loose.”
Crap!
“Fine. I’ll do it if the dress fits, but I want a pineapple upside-down cake out of this.”
“You got it.”
There were a bunch of cars parked in front of my parents’ house, forcing me to park two doors down, in front of Mrs. Kenny’s house. Aunt Bitsy, Loretta, and assorted people I’d never seen before were huddled in groups in my parents’ living room and dining room. Seating charts were spread across the dining room table and seemed to be the cause of crises. Bob and I put our heads down and went straight to the kitchen. My mom was at the table, knitting needles in hand, working on a twenty-seven-footscarf. Grandma was holding a tray with about forty sandwiches on it.
“Take this to the dining room and give it to Bitsy,” she said. “I’ll meet you upstairs.”
Bitsy got excited when she saw me.
“Stephanie!” she said. “Thank goodness you’re here.” She waved her arms in the air. “Everyone! This is Stephanie. She’s going to fill in for Elena and save my little girl’s wedding day.”
“If I fit the dress,” I said, handing Bitsy the sandwiches.
“Of course you’ll fit the dress,” Bitsy said. “If not, we’ll just take a tuck here and there.”
Grandma came up behind me. “Gangway,” she said. “I gotta get Stephanie upstairs.”
The bridesmaid dress was laid out on my bed. It was gray satin and there was a lot of it.
“This is never going to fit,” I said.
“It might not be so bad,” Grandma said. “We’ll just take a tuck here and there.”
“It’s gray.”
“Loretta is kind of plain. I think they didn’t want her to be overshadowed by her bridesmaids on her special day.”
I shucked my T-shirt and jeans and got into the dress. The length was okay, but Elena clearly had a lot more chest than I did.
