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“The hell you are,” Diggery said. “I got a lock on the door of this trailer. And besides that, Ethel Number Two might eat you.”
“Ethel only eats when she’s hungry and I’m betting on her not being hungry.”
“Well then she’ll squeeze you until your eyes pop out of your head and you have a bathroom accident.”
“That would be unpleasant. How about if you come out here to talk.”
“I don’t want to go to jail.”
“Court is still in session. I’ll have Connie meet us at the municipal building and you’ll get rescheduled, and I’ll bring you back to your trailer.”
“Can I take Ethel?”
“No.”
“She don’t like being left alone.”
“Will she fit in a cage?”
“Hell no. She barely fits in my trailer.”
“Turn the television on for her. I hear that works sometimes.”
“I guess I could do that. You got any incentives for me to go with you?”
“Lula is with me.”
“That’s not an incentive. She scares the crap out of me.”
“What do you want? Cheeseburger? A dozen doughnuts? A couple lottery tickets? A bucket of chicken? A six-pack of beer? Bottle of whiskey?”
“I’m heavy into whiskey these days.”
“You got it.”
“Okay, but you got to wait a minute, and I’ll put some clothes on.”
“You don’t have any clothes on?”
“I like the freedom of nakedness and it saves on the laundry. And Ethel don’t mind.”
I guess that’s the advantage of living with a snake.
I got back into the car. “He’s getting dressed,” I said to Lula.
“He has to wear something special?”
“Pretty much.”
Five minutes later Diggery came out. He locked his door and walked to my car.
“There’s a dog in here,” he said.
“That’s Bob,” I told him. “Would you rather sit with Lula?”
“I’d rather sit in front with you. Not that I have anything against dogs, but Ethel might not like it.”
“Yeah, we wouldn’t want her to squeeze you in the middle of the night because she was jealous,” I said.
