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My fingers ghost over my lips, sucking in a sharp breath as the memory clangs through me, forcing me to relive the moment that changed everything forever. I blink a few times as the past and present bleed together until all that’s left is the here and now.
“That feels like forever ago,” he mutters, and I nod my agreement.
It was forever ago. We were just babies, still learning how to coexist with conflicting emotions warring inside us about the other. In some ways, things haven’t changed. In some ways, we’re exactly the same.
But then I look at him, the man beside me, and realize that everything is different and no matter how badly I want for us to be who we used to be, it’ll never happen.
That girl and boy are long gone, buried six feet under and never coming back.
I clear my suddenly too-dry throat, and straighten my shoulders. He must have the same thoughts going through his mind because he copies me, his shoulders pushing back as he looks out at the pink-golden sky.
“You know,” he mutters, “I always knew you’d live your life for the camera. Just never in front of it, not like you are now. I thought you’d travel the world, taking photos of everything. Animals, people, buildings. I thought you’d create art, not…” He shakes his head, but not like he’s disappointed. More like he can’t find the words. Finally, he lets out a harsh breath. “Look, do what you want.”
“I will,” I say, cutting him off. “I like what I do.” He eyes me skeptically.
“Just…” He sighs again. “Do me a favor?” Hesitantly, I nod. “Be safe. Don’t get yourself into trouble. Just…take care of yourself.”
I smile to myself, dipping my head to hide it. “I will,” I say, then huff out the laugh I tried to hold in. “Oli always says someone is going to stalk me with a machete.”
His eyes widen comically. “Don’t even joke about that shit,” he hisses, and I flash him a grin. “It’s not funny.”
“Oh, it’s a little funny,” I tease. When he doesn’t so much as crack a smile, I rest my hand on his forearm. “Don’t worry, Ro. I’ll be fine.” He doesn’t look like he believes me, but he bobs his head in agreement.
What more could he say? Even with that stupid video he has of me, he can’t stop me from continuing.
A part of me wonders if that video was leaked, if I’d feel even more free. I wouldn’t have to live a double life. I could be who I wanted to be, and maybe make more money by putting my face in videos. I could finally leave Divinity, if for no other reason than to not deal with the lingering glances.
“Come on,” he groans, pulling my attention from my thoughts. I blink up at him as he stands, pushing his hands into his lower back. “Today was long. I’m tired.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping in your room?” I ask, gathering my bowl and phone from the dock. When I look back at him, his brows are pulled tightly together.
“My room?” he repeats, and I nod. I almost lock my arm with his as we walk back toward the house, but I stop myself. We’re not there. We might never be there again.
I don’t understand this fragile dichotomy we have with each other. One second, he’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met, then the next, he’s staring down at me the way he used to, like I’m something special.
“I thought you got rid of my room,” he says quietly. “Sold all the shit inside and turned it into something else.” I shake my head as he speaks.
“It’s exactly as you left it,” I say. It’s been waiting for you, I almost add. I’ve been waiting for you.
I refuse to let the words spill out.
“Come on.” I hold my free hand out to him, my breath caught in my lungs as I wait for him to take or leave it. He hesitates, and I see the thought flit through his mind. Leave it. Leave me.
Instead, his giant, warm, calloused hand slides against mine, soothing me in a way I haven’t been soothed in four long years.
My fingers shake as they wrap around the beat up brass doorknob. My heart is thundering in my chest, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have no idea what I’ll see on the other side of this door. I know Eve said everything is as I left it, but part of me doesn’t believe her.
How can I? It’s been years, and I wasn’t exactly a welcome occupant, even back then. I assumed long ago that Isaac threw everything out. Fuck, at one point, I imagined him burning the house to the ground just to rid the world of my existence.
The floorboards groan behind me and I know she’s there, silently waiting for me to make my choice. For a moment, just a moment, I can pretend she’s standing at my back to support me, to make sure I’m okay. But she’s not, she’s just being polite.
Eve is always polite.
It’s annoying as fuck.
With a deep breath, I squeeze my eyes shut and turn the handle. The door creaks open, and I step inside the room that holds fragments of my past, like old Polaroids yellowed by time. The air seems to hold its breath, as if the very walls remember me.
My breath catches in my throat. Not only is everything exactly as I left it all those years ago, it’s clean, cared for. My brows crash together and my mouth opens then closes, silent words building, then immediately dying on my tongue.
