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I’m going to call the cops if you don’t answer.
Roman:
I’m sorry
Roman:
Please answer me.
Roman:
Goldie, I’m sorry.
Me:
I’m fine.
Me:
Leave me alone.
With every text, the words burn a hole through my heart. Roman has been texting me since last night, trying to check on me, but his betrayal is thicker than his worry.
The feeling of Isaac’s fingers in my throat, forcing the alcohol to leave my body is still fresh, but Roman’s abandonment is too raw. I don’t know where they went after they left my room. I haven’t tried to seek either out.
I don’t want to.
Last night, the two men I thought I loved shattered my trust, each in their own fucked up ways. Isaac shouldn’t have done what he did. He should’ve been understanding. It was a side of him I’ve never seen, and never want to see again.
Roman knew I was drunk, and let me go too far with Nikki. The photos of us kissing are probably posted online already, shared with the world, and all of Divinity Falls, to see. He should’ve stopped it, should’ve stopped me.
But he didn’t.
He urged me on, forcing me to fall deeper and deeper into his pit of sinful depravity.
But more than that, he should’ve stayed. He should’ve been there last night when Isaac was forcing me to my knees and shoving his fingers down my throat. He should’ve been there this morning, helping me clean up a party I didn’t even throw.
He should’ve fucking stayed.
But he didn’t.
He ran away. He abandoned me, just like he always does.
The harsh reality of his absence cuts deeper than anything Isaac could’ve done.
Fresh tears burn my eyes and I clutch my knees to my chest, forcing myself to hold in a sob. I’ve cried too much already, I can’t anymore. No matter how badly my body just wants to cry and cry until I’m nothing but a puddle on the floor, I can’t allow it. I have to be strong, if for no other reason than to not let them win.
I never realized how similar Roman and Isaac were until last night. As they stood there, their faces contorted with anger, their overblown egos battling for space in my tiny room, I saw it. The fleeting similarities. The deep connection they hate to have.
Roman’s bigger, more muscular with tattoos and piercings, but Isaac has the darkness Roman craves, the darkness he lives in. He cradles it, protecting it, passing down just enough to his son to bind them together forever.
A soft knock at the door pulls me from my spiral and I wipe my cheeks with shaky hands. It could be either of them, but I don’t want to see whoever it is. I want to be left alone, to dwell in my pity in peace.
But another knock comes, just as soft as before.
Sighing, I push myself up, my eyes downcast as I slide off the bed and slink toward the door. I didn’t bother getting dressed today, knowing I wouldn’t be allowed out of the house, anyway. So, an oversized shirt and my usual sleep shorts will have to do.
I cleaned the house alone, tidied everything until it was as perfect as it was when Isaac left, then came back to my room, needing to shut the world out. They were both gone, and despite the few texts from Roman, neither of them checked on me.
