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Again and again.
Recite.
Pain.
Again and again.
Recite.
My eyes remain locked on the laptop screen and I watch the way I loved my body, the same body I currently hate for its mere existence. The same body that no longer feels like mine.
Will it ever feel that way again?
Pain.
Again and again.
Recite.
I used to think camming made me free, made me powerful. But now, I despise it all.
If I hadn’t wanted to be free so badly, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
If I didn’t want to leave, to have a life outside Divinity, maybe I wouldn’t have made so many wrong choices, so many fucked up decisions, that put me in this moment, right here, right now.
But even as I think the thought, I know it’s not true.
Isaac’s mad about the camming. He’s mad about the lies, the way I ran, but that’s not what made him do this.
It was Roman.
It’s always Roman.
And yet, as his name ghosts across my tongue and fills my veins, I’m still overcome with a sense of a longing, of appreciation, of love. He’s my beginning and my ending. There’s not a thing I wouldn’t do for him, and if this is the price I pay to exist in his world, in his heart, to be loved by him, I’d do it all over.
Pain.
Again and again.
Recite.
Pain.
Again and again.
Recite.
I don’t know how long it goes on, my mind fracturing in on itself, but suddenly, I’m being moved. I vaguely feel him slide from my ass with a groan. Feel him tug my burning, numb hands and force me backward. Feel his disgusting cock press against my lips as his manic eyes bore into mine.
And then, I feel myself die a little more when he shoves himself into my mouth and comes down my throat.
He releases me just as I bend over and vomit on the floor. The sound of his chuckle fills the room, but I ignore it, heaving until there’s nothing left but pain and devastation.
“You’ve been sanctified, sweetheart,” he says softly, dropping to a crouch in front of my bowed body. His thumb traces my jaw and I try to muster the energy to glare at him, but I have nothing left. “Say thank you, my Lord.”
I want to tell him to go fuck himself.
Want to tell him I hope he dies.
