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And instead of my world shifting to something amazing, it crumbled, the pieces of my perfect night falling through my fingers.
Exhaling harshly, I sink onto the bed and take another long pull of the wine. Everything had gotten so fucked up so fast after that.
Two days after she died, we went to the funeral. And it had been miserable. Hot and humid and rainy. But I hadn’t cared. I hadn’t complained. I’d barely felt the discomfort.
With Roman by my side, I felt like I could take on the world. With him, I felt like everything was manageable. Like the pain wouldn’t last forever, because he’d kiss it away. He’d fight the demons in my head, and he’d hold me through my tears.
I knew I’d be safe with him.
My heart would be safe.
With the bottle still plastered to my lips, I look around the room, feeling like I’ve stepped into a time machine that’s taken me back four years.
Everything is the same, and, yet, it’s all so different.
I’m different. I know he has to be. Isaac is. The world outside this room is. But this space, this little, dusty space is exactly as it was.
And it should make me feel safe, like I have a piece of my Roman back, but it only makes the wound I’ve pretended was healed, split open wider.
Four years and we haven’t seen or heard from him. The only reason I know he’s still alive is because of Chase. I refuse to look him up online or let Chase tell me anything specific. Just the perfunctory, we’re all good, is all I’ll allow.
If Roman wanted us—if he wanted me to know how he was doing, he’d come home. He’d at least fucking call.
Instead, he hides away in Mammoth, just over an hour from Divinity Falls, and pretends I don’t exist. So I do the same. Or I try to.
“You suck at pretending, Evie,” I scoff, and take another pull, letting my eyes drift over every inch of a room I’ve both loved and hated over the years since moving here. Loved because, at times, it was a solace for me. Hated, because most of the time, it was the place Ro hid from us, refusing to be a part of our family. A place where he withered and broke. A place where I broke.
A place he put me back together.
My gaze lands on the window seat, the blue dust-covered cushions still slightly dented and torn from wear. I can practically see him sitting there, his nose in a book while the sun sets behind him, oblivious to the outside world. Sometimes he’d balance a sketchbook on his thigh and draw something only he could see in his mind.
“Evie!” Mama calls. “Let’s go. The Daytons are waiting.”
With a grin, I yank my sundress over my bathing suit and snatch my sandals, tossing them into my lake bag. “Coming, Mama!”
I slide my bare feet across the wooden floor into the hallway, just in time to see Isaac bend down and kiss her head, murmuring about heading down to the dock to set up. I pause, my gut twisting. Daddy’s only been gone for a few months. Seeing Mama with someone else, so close like that…
It’s weird.
I miss my dad.
The front door swings shut and Isaac jogs down the few porch steps, tote bags and towels in hand, leaving Mama and me to bring the cooler. She stares after him for a long moment and I stay rooted to the dark hallway, unable to move.
What’s she doing?
Finally, she sniffles and turns around. She doesn’t see me yet, so she doesn't know I’m watching as she quickly blots her tear-stained cheeks with the neck of her t-shirt dress.
“Why are you sad, Mama?” I can’t help but ask, my stomach flipping once more.
She spins to face me, blinking quickly before plastering on a big smile. Her eyes scan me and she clicks her tongue. “Evelyn Jean, you’re missin’ somthin’.” Her accent is so much thicker than mine. It makes me jealous. Everyone loves her voice.
I shrug and scoot further from my room. “Huh?”
“Didn’t I tell you to get your floaties?”
I growl and plant my hands on my hips. “Mama, I’m ten. I’m not a baby anymore.”
With a long sigh, she closes the distance between us and grips my cheeks. With a kiss to my nose, she sniffles again. “I know that, Sunflower. You’re not a baby, but you’ll always be my baby.”
