AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Try.”
I blink. She’s going to make me work hard for this, and while I’d usually dismiss such demands, this is Ava’s mother. “She’s very quickly become all I want to live for,” I say, and she inhales. Only subtly, but I catch it. “Believe me when I say, she is all that matters to me. I know she cares about your opinion. I know she’s nervous for you to meet me.”
“Why?”
“Well, I’m older,” I say, laughing under my breath. “I’m sure you’ve heard.”
“How much older?”
“Eleven years.” I peek down at my phone when another call comes in. I reject John and get back to Ava’s mother. “I was wondering how you would feel about visiting?” I’m being smart. Any offer to drive down to Cornwall will be met with suspicion. They’ll want to see my home. See where I live.
“Let me talk to Ava’s father.”
Her father. Another obstacle. Someone else to sweeten. “Okay. Will you text me to let me know?”
“Yes. Let me get a pen. What’s your number?”
I reel it off, repeating it when she asks, and listening back as she replays it to me. “That’s it,” I confirm. “It was good talking to you.”
She hums, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Is she always so reserved, or is she just treading carefully?
With me.
She hangs up, and I sit in the quiet for a while, my back stinging, my muscles aching. She’s not sure about me. I blow out my cheeks. Makes two of us. This is an unexpected turn. I don’t know where I stand with Ava, what’s happening from here, where we’re going. Is she pregnant, is she not, does she still want to marry me? Be with me at all?
How much older?
Eleven years.
I breathe in and out slowly, relaxing back in the chair, my eyes on my wrist. On my Rolex. And I watch the hands glide around the face, ticking down to midnight.
The moment it hits twelve, my phone chimes.
Happy birthday, big brother. I love you. Amalie xxx
I swallow. Let my head fall back. “Happy birthday, Jake,” I whisper.
Happy birthday, Jesse. Miss you, bro.
I don’t try to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks.
49
The first thingI see when I open my eyes is Ava. The first thing I think is...why isn’t she spread all over me? Then my brain wakes up and I remember...everything. She’s watching me. Quiet.
She’s still here.
I shift forward, getting as close as I can to her. It’s not close enough. She moves, slowly and on endless winces, onto her side, and I help her shift closer until our chests are pressed together and her breath is my breath.
“It is possible,” she says, her voice cracked and sleepy. “To understand how you feel about me, it is possible.”
Is she saying what I think she’s saying? “You did this to yourself to prove you love me?”
“No, you know I love you,” she answers, and I can’t lie, it’s a relief. She loves me.Stillloves me. “I did it to show you what it feels like.”
“I don’t understand,” I admit, confused. “I know what it feels like to be whipped.” It’s currently throbbing on my back, and it won’t be happening again.
“I don’t mean that.” She appears to get a little frustrated, struggling to explain her point. “I mean the agony of seeing the man I love hurting himself.”
