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“Come on.” I stand and grab his arm.
It may be the case that I try to find ways to touch him, from time to time, when it’s natural. It’s been weeks since he spooned me, but I can’t stop thinking about it. Not that I’m trying to make something happen. Okay, maybe I am. Might be obsessing a little too much over Xan. Sure it’s probably not healthy, but the man saved me. And I feel like I’ve made this huge leap forward with him. He sees me as a trusted friend now. That’s a label he’s only given to one other person. That’s big for Xan.
“What about our computers?”
“We can leave them here. We’ll hide them in the stacks and come back for them. No one will find them.”
“I’d like to see someone try to hack my computer.” He gives a crooked smirk. I can only imagine what kind of crazy security protocols Xan has for his computer.
“Exactly.”
***
When the laptops are stashed, we make our way outside. The water is coming down in buckets. It’s perfect.
Xan stops short under the library awning.
“You afraid of a little rain?” I challenge.
“No. I just... how the hell does someoneplayin the rain?”
“Like this!” I shout and take off in a full sprint. The feet splash along the sidewalk and I can feel the cold water soaking up the back of my pant legs. I’m already shivering, but I don’t care. The feeling is freeing.
Heavy footsteps bear down behind me, then two arms scoop me up from the middle and haul me into the air. I burst out laughing at the sensation of being carried off and away, flying through the rain, as Xan holds me up high, like I’m weightless.
He stops under a sweet-smelling pine tree and sets me on my feet. We’re both out of breath. Facing each other, our chests strain as we suck in the cold air.
“You’re covered in goosebumps.” His voice is thick. I am freezing, but somehow Xan makes me warm.
I step closer to him as thunder rumbles so deep I feel it in my chest. His arms land on my shoulders. We’re even closer now. The rain is so heavy, it fills my ears, drowns out the world. Shrinks it down to me and Xan, under a tree, just this one moment.
He steps his feet apart, so he’s closer to my eye line. Biting his bottom lip, it’s quite the sight.
“Xan,” I breathe his name and lean closer. My eyes flutter shut. I’m a man possessed. Willing to go for it. To make a stupid mistake, if that’s what it turns out to be.
A pair of soft lips press into mine and I’m electrified. Tingling. On fire from the topmost hair follicles of my head to my toes curling in my shoes.
Then our lips part. I feel a soft tongue urging mine forward. Soft sweet swipes that make my brain fuzzy.
Our bodies melt together. Impossibly close. Arms holding me tight. Mouths exploring, tasting, taking. Inhaling his scent. Enjoying the soft pricks of the stubble on his jaw.
His hands cup my chin, tilting me back. Sucking, he’s pulling my breath right out of me. I could die right here in the kiss and be happy. Don’t want it to end. Pine-tree kisses. Forever burned into my brain.
The world lights up so bright my closed eyes sting, and a second later we split apart at the intensity of the crashing sound that rings in my ears.
Before I can even process how close that lightning strike hit, Xan has me by the hand. We’re running back toward the library. My first kiss is over.Please, don’t let it be the last.
Xander
“Kissed your roommate?” Joy parrots my words in a rare moment where her veil of professionalism slips.
“It was two days ago. Nothing’s happened since. We don’t talk about it.” I’m glad we’re speaking over video chat. The blurry pixels spare me the full look of scorn on her face.
“Is it something you want to talk to him about?” she questions. I can also guess what she is going to say now before she says it. Always turning things back to me.
“No, but also, maybe?” I shift in the hard plastic chair. Since Cam is in our room right now, I had to reserve a library study room for this session.
“What do you want to say to him?” Her face is curated back into that unreadable expression. This is something I appreciate about therapy. About Joy, in particular. She doesn’t judge me. Just asks questions. Helps me explore for myself.
