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“But you better come back to me. Because I want to know you. The other you.”
I startle. My mouth works on a lack of words for a heartbeat.
“What other?”
“If a killer was all I saw in you over the past two days, do you think I would sit here, hold your hand, and cry?” she asks me with a fire starting up in her eyes.
“No, I suppose not.”
“I have a question I don’t want to ask.”
“What is it?”
“Are you excited about it? Are you going to enjoy it?”
My fingers dig into the fabric of my pants.
“I can’t say… I don’t know,” I reply. “I can tell you I’d rather not leave you right now. I’m afraid if I turn away, you’ll slip out of my hands.”
“I won’t. But don’t just bring only your body back,” she says. “Bring the rest of you too.”
“What if I leave the rest of me here?” I can’t take resisting anymore. I draw her against me, craving the press of her curves against me. She sweetly comes, going so far as the rest her cheek on my arm. “My heart, my soul, my mind… Keep it with you. That stuff; it’s all full of holes anyway.”
She pulls back, head cocked. “That’s a Kar’Kali phrase, then?”
“What is?”
“To be full of holes…?”
I laugh. “No. That’s my phrase. Why? Does it sound like a dirty translation in your language?”
“A Kar’Kali told me once that losing someone can open a hole in your heart. And that you should be sure to fill it with good things,” she says.
Did it leave such an impression on her?
“Oh really? Who?” The spirit should strike me down for playing with my female so shamelessly.
“Some guy. I don’t really know him. But he was trying to give me good advice. If you have holes from losing someone, I wish you wouldn’t fill them with this revenge over and over.”
“Talking about filling holes with another male? I should kill him, then.”
She throws a light punch at my shoulder. “This is a serious conversation!”
“Sorry, but I can’t abide another warrior having such an intimate conversation with my female,” I go on. “Do you open your heart like that to any handsome male you see?”
“Quit teasing me, and I didn’t say he was handsome.”
“A memorable male, though, it seems.”
“I was trying to tell you something important,” she snaps.
“Tell me, then,” I say. “I’m sorry. I’ll behave.”
“I’ll be a mate to you. I want to try. And what I’m suggesting is that you use me instead if you’re feeling that itch for a distraction. I can be here when you feel the urge to run off in your ship and hunt someone down.”
“Kaye,” I whisper, flinching at her choice of the phrase ‘use me.’ She didn’t mean much by it, but it makes me sick to my stomach. I never want what’s between us to be ‘using.’ “Fixing me is a lost cause. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Being my mate means taking custody of what remains.”
“Will you or won’t you try it my way? I’m telling you I’ll stay here. We’ll do as you say with Raffa, find somewhere safe for him, and then I’ll be by your side and when you want to go off on your own, you’ll come to me instead.”
