AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
KALLA
“You’re tellingme you’re walking into a trap on purpose?”
I waited until the day had ended to present the situation to Kaye. She was in better spirits, and I wanted her to enjoy that. We spent the day without a single argument. Raffa’s presence has put everyone in a better mood, so we all passed the time gathered on the bridge. It was a welcome relief from the stress of getting this mission off the ground. Kira hasn’t come across any intel that suggests the Alliance plans on doing anything about our move to take Kar’Kal. And since Mak’s plans are well in motion, we’ve all unclenched our jaws. Those gathered outside Kar’Kal’s atmosphere have received an expected battering from the few battleships the Azza could muster. They hold steady despite a handful of lost fighter ships — warriors gone to ashes with them.
Viro, Ruka, and I took turns teaching training exercises to the boy while we kept Yulla and Kira company. Eventually, we convinced Yulla to take a break, so I watched over the pilot’s seat for the intervals while she slept.
To me, the fact that investigating a possible trap is the worst of my current worries is a good sign for our success in taking Kar’Kal. If there truly were killbots aboard that ship, we can stop them from reaching their destination. Reporting it to the Alliance and handing over the goods would stroke their ego at an opportunistic time, considering we would prefer their support in establishing rule over Kar’Kal. But to a civilian like Kaye, this must be overwhelming and frightening.
I knew she would have questions or be worried, so we walked down to the cargo bay, and I explained everything. We sit side by side on a metal crate, her legs swinging about and mine stretched out across the floor. It’s the only decent option for privacy at the moment.
“There’s a chance it could be a real threat, but… yes. I might be walking into a trap.”
“And you’re sure this is necessary?”
“Don’t tell me you’re worried about my safety now,” I tease her. “I thought you didn’t need a male to disappoint you. If I die, you’ll be free from my irritating presence.”
“Please don’t joke about dying,” she says, her eyes becoming shiny with emotion.
“Look, you’re crying again. Because of me. I’m only a problem for you, Kaye.”
“I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to get hurt at all.” She turns away, wanting to hide her emotion from me.
“It’s a war, little flame.” I draw her into my arms, ginger with my movements to allow her time to reject me. But to my pleasure, she accepts my loose embrace. I test her limits further by running my fingers through the red-orange hair that mesmerizes me. “It’s necessary this time. I promise you that this is not one of my excuses to revel in bloodlust.”
“If it’s necessary, then I can understand it,” she says, frowning still.
“I warn you, don’t be sweet to me now, or you’ll tempt me to do reckless things every chance I get to see you soften for me.”
When her pout turns to a glare, I don’t regret it.
“Please don’t be sad,” I whisper. “I’m not worth your leaking.”
For the first time, she reaches for me. I don’t know what to do other than hold my breath and hope I’m not imagining it. Her little hand snakes up my chest until she pauses her palm against my face.
“You’re worth more than you let on,” she says. “Will you be careful? I don’t want to lose the chance to really get to know you.”
“What is there to know?” I ask with a laugh. “I told you everything, didn’t I? I’m a bastard and a killer. That’s all there is.”
“No, it’s not,” she argues.
“Still trying to see trying to see the righteousness to all my kills?” I shouldn’t tease her about this. “You’re too sweet for a male like me. I can’t figure what the spirit is trying to tell me through you.”
“Maybe it’s trying to tell you that you don’t have to go through all this alone.”
The warmth of her skin against mine, the way she’s opening her heart to me—I can’t understand what I did to change things between us. Has she made excuses for my actions in her mind?
“Everything I’m going through is a challenge of my own making. I made the choice to live this way. You realize that, right? I choose it every day.”
“You clearly make your choices regardless of what anyone else thinks.” She lets her hand slip down and away from me, but I catch it before she pulls away. I’m happy to hold it between my hands.
“Of course I don’t want to be alone,” I say. “I want you, more than anything, to be with me throughout my life. The reality is that my life is violent, and I made it that way. I worry that since you decided to forgive me, you have begun to romanticize away the parts of me that disturb you in an effort to open your heart.”
“Most men would be happy to let their partners pretend it away. No, I wish I could do that,” she says with a hollow laugh. “It does disturb me. I’m not fooling myself. But—”
Her speech breaks off as if there’s something she can’t bring herself to say. She tugs her hand away to wipe the corner of her eyes. I’m losing her. Just when she was opening for me, I hit her with the realization that I’m technically one mistake from death every time I leave her side. Maybe she’s decided that all this is too much— my history, my choices, the dangers I put myself into. Is she about to tell me she’ll never be able to look past it all? It’s too much.I’mtoo much.
