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“Accepted but you are going to need to accept my relationship with Rager and Reaper.” My entire body stiffens. Billie notices it, so she goes on, “I know you don’t want to have anything to do with either one, and I accept that. But I genuinely like the two men. Rager reminds me so much of my dad and I don’t want to give that up. I was relaxed with Rager yesterday, and I knew in my gut that neither man would ever hurt me. They talked to me as an equal and not some silly woman taking up their time. You don’t need to like or associate with either of them. The relationship between you and Rager, or lack thereof, is between you two. The first hurdle to get over is you thinking you can pick my friends because that won’t be happening.” I look at Billie and she still looks pitiful, but she also looks determined. I told myself if she ever forgave me for the way I treated her yesterday that I would never interfere with Billie and her independence. This is a big one though. I want nothing to do with Rager, and Reaper is such an ass. I think he’s a bigger ass than Rager.
“Can we revisit this subject later or some other day?” Billie sits up and looks at me.
“No, we can’t. I don’t avoid hard discussions or put them off. I don’t care if we need to do it over the toilet bowl with me barfing, it is happening now.” Whoa, this must be the stubborn side of Billie. I can’t argue with my woman while she’s feeling bad. I guess she’s right.
“You pick your friends and I’ll suck up how I feel. I won’t be a controlling asshole toward you. I know I’m too protective and you’re a grown woman. I just hate that it’s those two men you choose to be friends with.” I have thought about this all night.
“I know how you feel about Rager and Reaper, and I don’t like the idea of Rager not coming to find you and your mom. But it isn’t my job to judge him and it isn’t an issue I have the answers for. I will keep my relationship with the two to text and if I see them, it will be away from you. I will tell you before I see them.” I consider her words. If that’s the best deal I can get, then I’ll take it.
“I agree to your terms.” Billie laughs a small laugh.
“We’re not negotiating contracts. I was just letting you know how I feel about the issue. If we understand what each other wants and then meet in the middle, then it’s a compromise. You don’t want a relationship with Rager or Reaper and I understand that. I’ll keep you out of the equation. I will also get them to agree that I’m safe if I see them alone.” I’m not agreeable to that.
“I don’t want to see either of them but if you go into their territory, I would prefer if you had a tail. It won’t be a brother but it will be our best prospect or your mom. I trust Frannie with you.” That makes Billie smile too.
“She’s gotten to you. I like that.” I smile at Billie. She’s right. I think Frannie is the shit. I love Frannie just like I do my own mom, but I’m not upset with Frannie all the time.
“Since we have compromised on your friendship with Rager and Reaper, do you want to discuss the wedding?” I ask her.
“Not really. We can live in sin for a while. There’s nothing wrong with two people living together these days. We can stay in the barn apartment until the baby comes, and then I’ll talk to mom about us moving into the grandparents’ house until we get married,” Billie says calmly.
“No, hell no. Hell fucking no!” I get pissed. “You are my woman and you are carrying our child. Before that baby arrives, we are all going to have the same last name. I won’t compromise on that. If you want to wait until this morning sickness is over, then that’s fine but we are getting married. I’m not having illegitimate children. They are going to know I have loved them since we found out you’re pregnant. I chose this baby and you and not a life of faceless women and a selfish life.” I sit up. I can’t even sit still. No, I won’t do this.
“Okay, Raider. Calm down. We can talk about getting married, but you’re not going to like some of my stipulations.” Billie takes a drink of her ginger ale slowly and then she looks at me.
“What kind of wedding do you want? I think Franny was thinking of something big and lavish.” I ease into the talk.
“Something intimate and small here at the house. I’m thinking in the backyard with an air conditioned or heated tent to eat in and for dancing after the wedding. The wedding I would like you and your brothers to wear a simple button-down shirt, new jeans, and your cut. I will wear a tea-length dress with ballet slippers. I don’t want to trip and fall in anything with a heal. A simple wedding cake from the bakery in Gladewater and we can barbecue in the backyard for the meal. I don’t want to discuss anything else about the food right now. We can use the regular china in case something gets broken outside or we can rent some dinnerware from that place in Gladewater. We can even have people serving and cleaning up later so no one gets over tired from the cleanup. Beer for the guys, sodas and water for the kids, and champagne or wine for the women. No hard stuff so no one gets too drunk. Maggie is my maid of honor and Ryan can be one of the ushers. No matching colors and we can get magnolias for decorations and for my flowers to hold. That’s my idea of a good wedding and a wonderful time. Someone can put a playlist together for us to dance to or a couple of them.” Billie stops talking and takes another small drink of ginger ale.
“That’s a thorough list of decisions. Did you just think of all that while you were asleep?” I ask Billie. She has a sad look on her face.
“That’s the wedding I have always wanted since I was a little girl. Mom used to show me magazines full of things she wanted for my wedding, and all of it seemed like so much trouble. I’m not paying the amount that they want for a wedding dress when I can use that money for something else. I know Mom says the stars are the limit for our wedding, but I’m not spending that kind of money for one day. The only thing that matters is us becoming one. I don’t even want the preacher here. I would prefer someone takes one of those classes online and then they can marry us. The preacher in town has only been to our house with his hand out. I know not everyone is like that, but he is. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in a tux. I like your backside in a pair of jeans and the club is part of you. I would never interfere with your brotherhood, and I want your club to be involved with the wedding. I’m a simple woman that wants a simple wedding. The only thing I’ll be missing that day is my dad. That is the one thing I always knew would happen at my wedding. My dad would walk me down the aisle and give me to the man I love.” Billie has a tear running down her face. I wipe the tear away.
“I will give all of that to you. I wish that I could give you your dad back to you for the day or for forever, but we both know that’s not going to happen,” I tell Billie, trying to sooth her sadness. “I will do anything I can to make our wedding day the happiest day of your life until you have our child.”
“I don’t remember a proposal.” I laugh softly at that.
“It’s coming, young lady. I want to surprise you, make it perfect. I want pictures so we can remember it for the rest of our lives.” I tell Billie the truth. I have been trying to think of ways to make it perfect for her. “Does that mean you’ll say yes?” I tease Billie.
“With one small stipulation.” There goes the stipulation thing again.
“Alright, tell me this small stipulation,” I tell Billie. How bad can it be?
“I want for Rager and Reaper to attend our wedding and I want Rager to walk me down the aisle,” Billie says shyly. She won’t meet my eyes.
“No. That’s asking too much. I don’t want to have anything to do with Rager. Reaper I could deal with but not Rager.” Billie’s eyes come to me.
“Then we’ll be living in sin for a long time or maybe forever,” Billie says with a stubborn look on her face.
“You can’t blackmail me into liking Rager.” Billie looks hurt but I won’t back down from this. I get to my feet, and off the bed. I need some time alone and I need to get out of here before I say things that will only hurt both Billie and me.
“Where are you going?” Billie asks me.
“Back to the clubhouse.” I text Buzz to come and pick me up in my truck. I won’t make the mistake of ever being left here again without my truck. “I’m waiting outside until Buzz gets here. I can’t believe you’re doing this to us.” Billie looks like she’s going to cry and I need some air.
“You keep walking out, Raider, or leaving me. You need to learn to face our differences head-on and not run from them. One day, you’re going to slam the door and walk away, and when you get back, that door is going to be locked and I am going to be gone. I wasn’t trying to blackmail you. I was letting you know what I wanted and thought. We could have compromised just like we did before, but no, you’re running away again. Now you can live with my stipulation without a compromise and don’t come back unless you’re staying. I don’t need or want a man that uses the door like it revolves.”
Billie is up running for the bathroom again but I just can’t stay. I feel like I’m being smothered and I can’t get any air. I open the door and turn the lock so when I close the door, it will lock. I know I’m being an ass by walking away when my woman is so sick, but she wouldn’t like the words she would hear coming from me. It takes Buzz over an hour to arrive. I see Billie come down the stairs and I walk on the other side, so she wouldn’t need to see me standing here smoking. I figured she would slam the back door but she doesn’t.
