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Her eyes light up again. “Yes. I would love that. I really like the idea of a pastel zoo. I haven’t seen that in any of the magazines.”
I can’t help but laugh at her. “Who uses magazines anymore?” I wave my phone at her. “The internet exists. Why don’t you show me the nursery so we can sketch some ideas?”
Forgetting all about her award-winning magazines and beige paint colours, she skips up the stairs, and I follow.
The hours zoom past as we go back and forth with ideas. I incorporate as many of hers as possible, not wanting to take too much away from her dream. She watches over me like a hawk while I sketch a rough idea.
“The animals aren’t very good, but it’s a start.”
She takes the paper and stares at it with a smile. “It’s perfect.” She looks at me. “You’re good at this. You could make good money from this. I have friends I could recommend you to.”
I chuckle at the excitement in her voice but shake my head. “No. I’m not very good or that excited about it. I have to really enjoy something to pursue it.”
The smirk on her lips warns me of the danger approaching. “I didn’t know you enjoyed taking phone calls or checking emails so much. Or does that have a little something to do with Ray?”
Hearing his name reminds me that I’m pissed at him. Today was a nice break away from thinking about hisresearch. I was enraged when he told me he was looking for my dad. He had no right. I’ve gone twenty-seven years without knowing, and I was fine. I could tell myself whatever story I wanted. Maybe he died or turned his life around. Fiction was easier than knowing he’s still out, living and enjoying life while his actions caused my mum to have a mental break.
But Huxley didn’t understand that. He took me saying I wanted to know about my DNA too literally and thought I would appreciate him finding the man. When he realised I had no intention of meeting him, he argued that he could gather the intel to answer my questions. But I asked him to stop, no matter how close he was.
“He might be the reason I quit,” I reply.
“I miss that fire when you meet someone. That back and forth ofI want you… no, I don’t.The playful smiles and glances you steal when no one is looking. It’s exhilarating.”
Was that how it was with Xavier? From what I’ve heard, they fell in love straight away. They spent every minute together as if there weren’t enough in the day. Xavier said he knew from the start she was the one.So, what changed?
“That’s not what’s happening with me and Hux. I think he enjoys pressing my buttons.” Wanting to change the subject, I turn my attention to her. “What about you? Did you work much before?”
I do believe that the cameras are off in the guesthouse. He proved it to me and even offered to have someone come and plaster over them if it made me feel more secure. But a part of me wants to know if Xavier’s story about the guesthouse is true. His explanation made sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
Her eyes drift away with a light in them I haven’t seen before. “The odd jobs here and there. Menial. I didn’t do well in school, so I couldn’t get a fancy job. But it was nice.”
Wanting to draw more information out, I ask. “What about after? I mean, with Xavier’s money, you could have done whatever you wanted.” I want to ask more direct questions, but I am very aware of the cameras watching us.
“In the beginning, I wanted to do so much.” She looks around at the four walls that surround us. “It got exhausting waiting for him to come home. I needed something to pass the time, but he wasn’t ready for a baby yet. I thought about running my own business. He even built the guesthouse for me.”
Okay. So that part was true.
“Why didn’t you?” I push.
“I thought starting a business would make him see me, you know? I thought he would realise I’m more than just a pretty face. I imagined us spending our time discussing plans and sharing the dream.” She looks away from me as her body goes stiff. “But all he did was throw some money my way. He didn’t care what I did with it if I didn’t bother him. So, I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore.”
I shuffle closer to her and take her hand in mine. It feels unusual, but she doesn’t pull away. From what I know about Xavier, he probably wanted her to have something for herself. Maybe a selfish part of him needed something to take her attention off him so he could have room to breathe. I don’t tell her that though.
“I think he wanted you to have this for yourself. He didn’t want to be the reason behind your success.”
“ButIdid. I wanted something that wasours.”
As irrational as her beliefs are, I understand it. When you have spent your whole life feeling out of place, you crave something solid – something real. She grew up alone in a horrible care system. In her mind, marriage would be that all-consuming love where you finally feel at home.
“You really love him, don’t you?”
Her features pull together in wonder before she shakes her head. “No. I think I loved the idea of him. I wanted someone to love the broken parts of me back together. I wanted someone to hold me and stop me from falling apart. I had no family and meaningless friendships. Xavier gave me purpose. My life became about making him happy.”
I squeeze her hand tight. “He doesn’t have to be your purpose anymore. It’s not about making him happy anymore. Stop drinking. Start doing things that make you happy. Find your peace. You have to Emery because you have a baby coming, and he or she needs you to be strong and powerful.” I pin her down with a stare. “Stop giving him all the power and take it back for yourself.”
When I open the door to see Huxley, I’m not surprised. I dodged all his calls and messages today.
He doesn’t wait for me to welcome him in, choosing to barge past me and straight into my bedroom. “When I call you, you answer the fucking phone!” he barks as I lean against the doorframe.
