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“Because I like to spend my time looking at you.”
I chuckle at his surprisingly playful response. “It’s a shame I can’t say the same about you.”
Huxley doesn’t respond back. He chooses to stare at me with a slight smile. He looks lost in thought, but he shares them with me before I can pry. “I found him.”
My hands freeze over my keyboard as I absorb his words. I work through my emotions, but there is only one – fear. I can handle anger but don’t know what to do with fear. Whenever I’ve felt fear before, I faked my way through it. I put on a brave face and feigned power.
“Where?”
“Cardiff.”
My eyes avoid Huxley and stay glued to the window behind him. “You lost the bet. You were supposed to stop.”
“I was so close. I couldn’t give up.”
“We had a deal!”
“I wasn’t going to tell you.”
I laugh through my fear. “But you did anyway,” I point out.
“So you know that the option is always there. If you’re ever ready… I’m here.”
I have the choice of flipping out or pretending that I don’t care because Ishouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to know his name or what he looks like. I shouldn’t care if we share similar features or likes. I shouldn’t feel like meeting him, even once, will give me a sense of closure on a chapter of my life I never got the chance to write.
But the sad reality is that Idocare.
I don’t know if Huxley can read the conflict on my face, but he walks over and kneels in front of me. “You don’t have to make any decision today. Whatever you decide, I’ll respect it.”
“Do I look like him?” My voice is weak and pathetic, and I hate myself for it. “When my mum looks at me, does she see him?”
He strokes my face with a tenderness I haven’t had from him before. “Whenanyonelooks at you, the rest of the world fades away. They can only focus on how golden your eyes are when the light hits them. Or how your lips are the perfect shape. When I look at you, everything else in the world that I thought was beautiful or perfect doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
“What are you doing?”
Even upside down, Xavier looks amused at my odd posture. I lift my head and sit upright. He is out of his workwear and in jeans and a sweater.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” I say instead of answering. I don’t know how to explain that I was thinking about my absent father and whether I should meet him.
“You forgot to lock your door.”
I smile at him. “It’s a good thing you’re not a serial killer. Did you need something?” I wince when I realise how rude that sounds, but I don’t feel like company tonight.
“What are you craving?” When I look at him confused, he elaborates. “You said you used to go out in the middle of the night to satisfy your cravings.”
He shouldn’t be doing these small things for me. But I also shouldn’t love that he does it.
Even though I know this, I stand up and pull my boots on. “Bagels.”
He nods and holds the front door open. He watches over me as I remember to lock it this time. He climbs into the driver’s seat of my car, leaving me on the passenger side.
He follows the GPS, and I feel giddy as we drive towards my old home. The walls are painted with graffiti, and people line the streets, talking and laughing like the sun won’t rise in a few hours. As expected, the bagel place is full of people.
Like a true gentleman, Xavier takes my order and leaves me alone in the car while he picks up the food. When he returns, I practically snatch one of the bagels from him and take a bite.
Xavier chuckles at my response but copies when he takes a bite. “This is probably the best bagel I’ve ever had.”
“Told you,” I say with a mouthful.
