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“Erm,” I say, unsure of myself. How do I explain without making myself look like a complete bitch?
“You had the date at our range, didn’t you?” she asks, coming to take a seat beside me, and passes me the drink. I take a quick whiff and smile as I realize she’s added coke to the vodka. Now this is turning out to be my kind of night, I smile at her and look in the direction of the stairs. I thought he might’ve come down to say hey to her since they’re practically family.
“Yeah, we did, then he told me about what happened in the fire,” I say with a small voice. I’ve heard stories of this girl and I’m preparing myself for her losing it. But I have to know, there’s more than one side to a story.
“Ah!” she says as she has a drink, and my eyes widen as I watch her gulp it down. One. It took her one mouthful, and the glass is empty. What the actual fuck? She didn’t even come up for air. That’s got to be a double or triple at least, and she’s just thrown it down the hatch like it was water! “Let me guess, he was telling you that he can’t understand how I can look at him after what happened?”
“Pretty much,” I say. She got it in one, what am I meant to say to that? She doesn’t look surprised, if anything she looks sad. “I don’t know if this is the time to say it, but he is genuinely remorseful.”
“I know he is,” she says with a harsh breath. “At the time, did I blame him for what happened? Yeah, I did, but then I found out he was used as a pawn like the rest of us.”
“You’re the reason he’s here, right?” I ask, my curiosity piqued. This is going better than I thought it would after our last meeting. “Look, before you answer, I want to apologize for everything. I know we got off on the wrong foot.”
“Honestly, if you hadn’t lost your shit over the situation,” she says with an eerie chuckle, “I would have been concerned for your sanity. Anyone would’ve reacted the way you did.”
“But still, I’m sorry,” I say with a smile, which she returns.
“To answer your question, yeah, I am. He got dealt the shit end of the stick and I know Ms. Jeanette would’ve talked me into giving him a second chance, so I did. Plus, it’s great because he can build a relationship with his mom and brother,” she says with a wistful tone. “Speaking of which, where is she?”
“I have no ide—”
“She went to one of them wellness retreat things and then I got a message saying she was staying a while,” he says as he shuffles into the kitchen, his mask firmly in place. “How you doing, Bo?”
“Yeah, I’m good. You gonna tell me why I found her catatonic on the driveway?” she says with a glower.
“I did what you said and told her how I feel,” he says grabbing a drink and a packet of chips off the side. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to intrude any longer, you can get back to your girl talk.”
We both watch as he disappears out of sight, and I frown as I stare after him. I hear his room door close and it fills me with so much guilt.
“Wow, c’mon, Sam, spill it,” she says, pulling my attention back to her. “What the hell was that about?”
“He told me he loved me,” I whisper, my hand beginning to tremble.
“Well, shit!” she says, “I didn’t expect him to blurt it out like that. Is that why you were freaking out?”
“He doesn’t know me,” I say as I slump back in my chair, grabbing the drink off the side and swallowing it in one. The burn in my throat is a welcome feeling. “How can he say something like that?”
“Because it’s how he feels about you. When you meet the one, you just know,” she says pouring us both another drink.
“Is that how it was for you and the guys?” I ask curiously.
She bursts out laughing, rocking back and forth on the stool from the force. I’m worried she’s going to fall backwards, and tears stream down her eyes as she looks at me and laughs harder. “It was easier with the others than it was with Frost. God, he was such an asshole.”
“But you love him?” I say confused, they’re inseparable. Wherever she is, they follow, no matter what. I wish I could have something like that, but it’s just a pipe dream for me.
“I do yeah, did it take me a while to realize it? Hell yes it did,” she says, wiping the tears from her face. “You’ve heard the stories, you know how bad he was to begin with, but when he put himself in front of me to protect me from his dad. I knew then that I was falling for him, even when I hated him.”
“That’s amazing,” I say, slowly releasing a deep breath. “I’m happy for you, I know some of the stuff that went down and I’m glad you got your happily ever after.”
“But you don’t think you deserve one?” Damn, she really is good. I chew on my bottom lip as I stare off into the distance, my blood rushing through my veins so fast it feels like I have another heartbeat in my head.
“I know I don’t, I’m like poison,” I mumble, my shoulders curling in as I lean against the countertop to avoid making eye contact with her. “I knew I had an issue from being little, but the night I found my brother, I knew. It’s all my fault.”
“What’re you talking about?” she asks as she shuffles her seat closer, and a sob escapes me as the emotions wash over me. The guilt I feel over my brother and my mom, if I was stronger I could help her. But I can’t. I’m as good as useless.
“My brother committed suicide. I think he thought it was his only way to escape my father,” I say, the words feeling like someone’s taking a dagger to my heart. “He shouldn’t have had to, he was the good one.”
“He does hurt you?” she asks with a growl. I nod my head and I hear her teeth grinding together.
