Page 11 of Monster Mishap


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A sharp, cold breeze whips around the mountain. I hunch and power on, hissing in pain as I step on twigs and too-sharp rocks. I’m what must be halfway,please let it be halfway, down the mountain when a strange sort of howl rips through the night.

Pausing, I hold my breath and glance around. Does this world have mountain lions and bears? Wolves? Who am I kidding? There are probably scarier things out here on this mountain.

Think positive thoughts.

I could definitely bitch slap a mountain lion with this spatula. There. That’s positive.

Besides, the howl wasn’t that close. I’m all alone on the path, and I’m being quiet. There’s no reason for anything to bother me. A snarl sounds in the distance. A full body tremble rolls over me, but I clutch my spatula, ready to lash out, and force my feet to keep moving. I pass another cave, the entrance of this one is shorter and narrower than Orcus’.

Curiosity wants me to venture into it, but dying isn’t part of my plan. I quicken my steps. A harsh shiver rattles my bones, but the crisp night air isn’t responsible for the trembling. It’s so quiet. Maybe there’s nothing to worry about. Maybe I’ve seen too many scary movies. Stones scatter behind me followed by labored breathing. I stop waking and the hair on the back of my neck rises. Clenching my fingers around the wooden handle of my weapon, I slowly turn until I’m facing a haggard looking beast. Misshapen head, one eye, foul stench. Not as tall as Orcus, but still a good two feet taller than me. It’s a lot wider and heavier than Orcus, too.

“Hello,” I say with a nervous chuckle.

“My mountain.” It takes a step and lifts a branch that’s been crafted into a club over its shoulder. My pitiful utensil can’t compete with that. The skin above its eye wrinkles. The beast bares its teeth and snarls.

“I’m sorry.” I stumble back. “I was leaving.”

“My mountain,” it growls, taking another step and closing most of the distance between us.

I gasp and continue to back away. “Your mountain. I’m going.”

“GO!” it screams and surges forward, swinging the club back.

“I’m fucking trying, okay!” Squealing, I pivot and make a mad dash down the path.

It roars, almost like it’s angry that I’m running. It really needs to make up its mind. Either it wants me to go or it wants me to stay put so it can beat me to a pulp. I’ll take option one. The beast is so heavy the mountain trembles as it charges after me. No, no, no, no,no. Rocks tear into the bottoms of my feet and I struggle to breathe as I break into a sprint. My sides immediately start to ache—I should really do more cardio—and the creature closes in.

Shit, shit, shit.

“I’m going!” I shout over my shoulder, hoping it’ll stop chasing me.

The beast’s lips peel back, revealing blunt, yellowing teeth. “My mountain!”

“I heard you the first time!” I suck in a heavy breath and clench the half of an ab muscle I have, desperately trying to go faster.

“My—” it grunts and a louder, scarier sounding monster growls.

Oh good. More monsters. I don’t look back, not even when my ankle rolls and I drop to the pebble covered path. My spatula flies out of my hand and rocks tear into my shins. My ankle throbs, but there’s no time to stop. The ground shakes as whatever beast came for the one that was chasing me comes closer. I attempt to stand but agony shreds through my tendons, and I collapse back onto the path, completely helpless. Refusing to die like all those half naked women in horror movies, I start to crawl. My chest heaves and tears blur my vision. Orcus’ shirt gets caught beneath my knee and I pitch forward with a sob.

Rough hands snatch me around the middle and I flail, releasing the full body scream I’d been holding in. My heart skips as I’m lifted high into the air.

“Easy now.” Orcus’ smooth voice brushes over my skin and he cradles me in one arm. My legs dangle over the side of his forearm and one aches so much I’m scared to think about it. “This ismymountain, fucking cyclops.”

I tremble in his hold and clutch his arm, glancing around and searching for the beast. It’s nowhere to be seen. Relief slams into me and I look up at Orcus. He’s peering down at me between his ivory tusks, one eyebrow arched in accusation.

What did you think would happen?

“I was going to find a village,” I explain even though he didn’t ask.

“I assumed.” He doesn’t have to call me dumb because I can sense it through the bond.

“I didn’t know there would be…” I trail off. I had known there would be monsters. My need to return to Earth drove me to leave in the middle of the night, probably not the safest time to travel, especially when I don’t know anything about this world. “I have to get back to Earth.”

Orcus adjusts his arm and my ankle throbs. I wince. He scowls—he’s very good at scowling—and takes in the blood and filth covering my legs.

“You’re hurt,” he says between clenched teeth.

“Only a little,” I lie.

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