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"No, I'm okay. I just need some space. I need to figure out who I am without Grady. Without everyone. I just need to find me." Her half-smile hid a hint of sadness.
"Just don't forget me, okay? I'm here no matter how far away we are. I'm here."
"I know, Bay. I love you."
She left me in the bathroom to sort through the last twenty minutes. My little sister was pregnant, lost the baby, was moving away, and breaking up with Grady. Everything was normal less than an hour ago. What the hell was happening?
I went to look for Brandt and found him being cornered by Becca. Even from a distance, I could tell the conversation was not casual. In fact, Becca looked like she was about to slap Brandt while he looked mortified when he saw me charging up. We were in a dark corner by the stage.
"What's up?" I asked in a less than friendly way.
Becca turned and faced me. She looked as plastered as her friend now, and she had been crying. "Why don't you ask your fiancé? Congratulations," she spat out as she stormed off, throwing people out of her way. The same guy from earlier tossed her over his shoulder and dragged her out the entrance, kicking and screaming. The scene was beyond embarrassing, but what hung in the air around Brandt and me was worse. I turned back to him, terrified to ask the obvious. I needed to know, but at the same time, I didn't want to know. I had given him everything, and the thought of losing him now was almost too much to handle as the look on his face said it all. It was a look I had never seen before. He was just as terrified as me. I wanted to say something, but my heart was pounding painfully hard. I couldn't hear or think, let alone speak, so I spun around and ran out to the back patio.
I needed air.
I pushed open the doors and didn't let the rain stop me. I just kept going until the rail slammed into my stomach, the only thing keeping me from falling. I wanted to throw up. What was happening?
"Bay, stop."
I turned and faced him. "That was her, wasn’t it? The one you and Chris shared.” Saying it aloud made it feel so much worse.
"Yeah, but I don’t feel anything for her anymore. I barely felt something for her back then, but she’s been all messed up since Chris died and I’ve been avoiding her calls. How would I know she would know your sister and show up here?” he pleaded as he came closer.
"She looked pretty hurt, Brandt. That was not the anger of just a fling."
"Let's go back inside or in my car. Somewhere out of the rain," he suggested.
We were both drenched now. "Fine." I pouted as I fumed past him toward the parking lot. He stayed close on my heels, unlocked his car, and I hopped inside before he could open my door. He slid inside and turned on the engine, cranking up the heat.
I waited for him to continue. We didn’t talk about the accident after that night I found the picture, but it was clear there was more to it than what I thought.
"Becca was in love with me. I didn’t take her seriously because it was always just about having fun, but then after Chris died, she relied on me like a drunk relies on a bottle of alcohol. It got to be too much. I moved to a different dorm and stopped taking her calls. She eventually disappeared.”
“Until now.” I sighed painfully.
He looked so lost and I was crushed. There was this whole other side of Brandt that was completely lost on me, and I was about to agree to spend the rest of my life with him. How could I marry someone I didn't even know? Because I loved him? Was love really enough of a reason to get married?
"Can you take me home, please?" I said, defeated.
"If that's what you want," Brandt replied softly.
"It is."
We didn't talk during the drive. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped out and ran to the front door, tears streaming down my face.
"Bay, let's talk about this. I'll tell you everything. Anything." Brandt had followed me to the door.
I opened the door, took a deep, courageous breath, and without turning around, I said, "I know you will, but I don’t think I’m ready tonight.”
I went inside, shutting the door on him. I collapsed to the floor, devastated for my sister, devastated for Grady, and devastated for myself. In one night, everything had changed, and it wasn't the change it was supposed to be.
